This is ridiculous!

Narcissistic personality disorder
#21

I have another question or two for you “Victim”

A) How do you know that “THE THINGS AND THOUGHTS” Sam has are anything like those of your ex?
B) How do you know Sam is actually telling any kind of truth about “THE THINGS AND THOUGHTS THAT HE HAS”?
C) Is it very likely that he would be?
D) Do you know that the “caps lock” key is right next to the “A” key?

The abuse described by victims is not “Narcissism”, or “Narcissistic personality disorder”, it is just abuse…

Anyone who is accustomed to it can describe what it looks like, and how it feels to be on the receiving end, but NOBODY knows why another person actually abuses people that way, or how they feel doing it…except the people doing it, and they aren’t likely to tell the truth.

There IS no “general rule” for why people do these things, or how they feel doing them. Anyone who says there is is lying, and the idea that there is is just a fantasy, which would be silly and harmless if it did not wrongly condemn at least hundreds of thousands of people diagnosed with NPD, or mislead victims about why they are being abused and how to overcome whatever it is in themselves that let them walk into an abusive situation.

If you do as Sam and his followers “recommend” you to do, and even, given a chance, pressure you into doing, you WILL be revictimised by an online cult of NPD and you will be conditioned to accept not only the psychological and emotional abuse that is the primary function of the cult, but also any simlar psychological and emotional abuse you may encounter elsewhere.

That is NOT a worthwhile cause…to say the least.

GD

#22

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN EVEN BEGIN TO TOUCH THE TOES OF MY EX-H WHEN IT COMES TO VERBAL ABUSE, THINK AGAIN. COMPENSATION FOR RECOMENDING HIS BOOK? HOW ABOUT MAYBE IT WILL HELP SOMEONE TO FIND ANSWERS TO WHY THEIR SPOUSE ACTS THE WAY THEY DID. ISN’T THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. ISN’T IT ABOUT HELPING OTHERS GET THROUGH A BAD EXPERIENCE? AND I HAVE N0 EXCUSES FOR FALLING FOR A NARCISSIST. IF BEING LONELY AND DEPRESSED AT THE TIME IT HAPPENED, CALL IT STUPID IF YOU MUST. I WILL CONTINUE TO GET THE WORD OUT AS TO HOW DESTRUCTIVE THESE PEOPLE ARE.

#23

"The abuse described by victims is not “Narcissism”, or “Narcissistic personality disorder”, it is just abuse… "

And what in the world is abuse? I will never forget when my daughter was in junior high and addicted to internet. Came time for me to draw the line. “You are getting off the internet.” No I am not she said" and “Yes you are I said, time for bed” And she said NO. And I physically attempted to force her out of the chair and to her room.

So she called child welfare. So child protective services schedules a home interview. Ah ah. It just happens to be on the night of the first junior high dance. Guess who couldn’t go? Guess who was telling CPS how cool it really was at home so she could get out of there to that party.

Truth be told, I did spoil her badly. Her father was not quite right so I tried to compensate.

She still at 23 plays the game. Her boyfriend drinks too much. Last year, she woke him up out of a stupor, he went after her physically. She beat the shit out of him (she is an athlete - very fit and has her dad’s genes and training). He went home crying to his daddy who then came over and chewed her out for beating his son up.

Who was the abuser?

#24

How dare you CZBX,

You are the kind that promotes lynchings. Yes the world is full of “good” guys and “bad” guys.

Explain HONESTLY why you are on this board right now. You are not seeking understanding for your own personal experiences, not emotional growth, not intellectual growth. You are not sharing your experiences of life.

You are here to “Save” people. With no due study or diligence to qualify yourself for such. Only your own ego to gratify just like a narcissist.

#25

Did you ever evaluate what love is?
Love is respect, trust, nurturing and truth.
If you do not have these feelings for yourself, how can you love another?
Love you Gypsy

#26

MY N. FIT ALL NINE SYMPTOMS OF A N. MY N. HATED AND I DO MEAN HATED CHILDREN. MY N. CALLED OUR LONG BIKE TRIPS, “GOING OUT TO PLAY”. MY N. OFTEN SPOKE LIKE A CHILD WHEN I ANSWERED HIS CELL PHONE CALLS. MY N. HAD A CAT THAT HE OFTEN TREATED LIKE CRAP. MY N. LIED ABOUT WHERE HE CAME FROM. INSTEAD OF SAYING MUNCIE, IN., HE SAID SPOKANE, WA. HE SAID ONLY “HAYSEEDS” AND" FARMERS "CAME FROM MUNCIE. MY N. HAS TWO HARLEYS, A MINI COOPER S MADE BY BMW, A VOLKSWAGON, A DODGE RAM TRUCK AND A CAMPING TRAILOR. TOYS, TOYS, TOYS. AND YES HIS WOMEN BECAME HIS TOYS TO USE AS HE PLEASED.AND YOU THINK I’M STUPID? HIS GIRLFRIEND BEFORE ME BOUGHT 77 ACRES OF LAND FOR THEM AND BUILT A HOUSE ON IT FOR THEM UP IN KENTUCKY. SHE ALSO BOUGHT LAND IN LIVE OAKS,FL. AND BUILT A SECOND HOME FOR THEM ALSO.SHE STILL REFUSED TO BELIEVE THAT I EXISTED EVEN AFTER I ANSWERED THE PHONE ONCE. NOW THAT’S MANIPULATION!GOD HE WAS GOOD. I COULD GO ON AND ON GIVING EXAMPLES FROM EVERYTHING I READ IN HIS BOOK. MY N. FIT HIS BOOK TO A TEE. HE NEVER ASKED ME FOR ANYTHING DIRECTLY, BUT SOMEHOW I GAVE IT TO HIM. WAS I STUPID? OH YES, BUT IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN. AND I DON’T WANT IT TO HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE.

#27

All nine symptoms? I thought you said this guy was the most unbelievable cool guy out there? And you coming from an alcoholic abuser of 34 years? Examples from Sam’s book? Are you so ditz or do you honestly think the rest of us are?

#28

APPARENTLY FROM YOUR ANSWERS, YES.

#29

What a cop out Victim. So who are you really?

#30

EX-NARCISSIST SUPPLY!

#31

N is just like electricity, you can’t see it, but by god you sure can feel it!
And you can test for it. I do not care what you want to call a N, give them a new name if you wish so, the point is, regardless what you want to call those people, as soon as anyone gets to close to one of them Ns you will get sapped.
Hello!!
Rule # 1.
Stay away!
Rule #2
Should you have to for any reason, have to coexist with one, protect yourself and never let them get close to you. They will hurt you, no exceptions.
Rule #3
If you wish to help a N to become normal, immediately look up rule #1 !!
I lived with Ns all my life up till a year and a half ago. I read SV’s book and it gave me my first understanding, like the blind can see!
I also have not found anything in his book yet, that did not describe any of the numerous Ns in my life to the T.
Please, help your selfs, and use your love and compassion on relationships with a partner that will appreciate you and give you their love back.
Nobody deserves to live in the conditions the Ns feel entitled to.
Yes mamolie you are soo right, love yourself first, it has to be about you, because once you find yourself and regain your self respect, then and only then will you be happy with yourself and be able to be happy with others.
Two thumbs up for you mamolie you are absolutely on the right track.
Love you all Gypsy

#32

Ok Gypsy,

Now apply the same principle to appendicitis.

GD

#33

Gypsy, I would say that rule #1 is to get your associate to a neurologist, that is if you are a true friend.

If you on the other hand, exist from the principlal that life is a function of yourself only and feeling good (hedonistic imperative), than absolutely go where it feels good. The NPD is better off without your distorted sense of love.

#34

"If you on the other hand, exist from the principlal that life is a function of yourself only and feeling good (hedonistic imperative), than absolutely go where it feels good. The NPD is better off without your distorted sense of love." 

*sigh*

Susiejo, I hafta say you are one of the most judgmental and ornery people I've never met!

And yes, that was a judgment---but lordhavemercy!

CZ

#35

You sadly misunderstand.
There is a great difference, between love and ego.
With love in your heart, you feel understanding, you are grateful, nurturing, and honest.
If you carry your ego in your heart, you are afraid, envy, and jealous, and therefore do not have trust in yourself or others.
Love rules Gypy

#36

Gypsy, I am not sure who you are talking about. But I would agree there is a difference in love and ego. And for it to be true love, it is not conditional on what we receive in return. It is not about ME being this or that or treated as this or that. Wha wha wha

One of my favorites in life is “The only thing we own is that which we give away”

The measure of life is not what others do for us or how they treat us, it is what we do for others. And if we have no human compassion, we have shit and deserve the same.

#37

Thank you.
We all suffer and suffered and have been giving endlessly for years.
I did not deserve the way I was treated, neither does or did any of you.
Lord grand me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
This is one powerful prayer.
Please, look in the mirror and give yourself a big smile, then tell yourself that you have been given your best, and it was and never will be good enough for your N in your life. He is a bucket without a bottom.
Then be glad that you are not like the N, and appreciate it. I know all of you are exhausted and drained, but without really liking and loving your selfs for all the horrible things you endured and still care, what is the point in going on.
We are the winners after all. We can love and care. We can feel the joy in giving, which can be grater than the joy of receiving.
Isn’t this something to be proud of and to be celebrated?
Love is always the winner

#38

I’m not sure what Gypsy is on about yet, but it is definately interesting.

Suppose I put it all together:

Did you ever evaluate what love is?
Love is respect, trust, nurturing and truth.
If you do not have these feelings for yourself, how can you love another?
There is a great difference, between love and ego.
With love in your heart, you feel understanding, you are grateful, nurturing, and honest.
If you carry your ego in your heart, you are afraid, envy, and jealous, and therefore do not have trust in yourself or others.

NOW THEN…

Stitch it together like that and you have quite a lyrical philosophical statement.

To my mind when you offer up a statement like that it is neither “correct” nor “incorrect” it is rather like offering someone food to taste…

So that they can savor it, see how it gels with their own experience and philosophy and what new ideas they can derive from it…or where they can take it.

So Gypsy, if I accept your definition of love and ego (as I must because they are your definitions and the basis of your thinking on this) can you not see that it would be dangerous to feel understanding, gratitude, nurturing and honesty while you are in an abusive or threatening situation…

Your survival and defense would depend on at least fear and anger, I would say that, in your terms, that would mean you would have to carry far more ego than love in your heart just as a survival and defense mechanism…

Would you say that?

GD

#39

Absolutely correct, as long as you are in the relationship with N, you open your heart with love towards your N you are bond to be sucked dry.
That does not mean that you can not have great feelings towards your self, after all you do feel and have great values! For yourself and others.
The trick is to not to get derailed by your N about that. You are a great person, period, he is not all together, has nothing to do with you still being loving and giving, to yourself and others. You do have the right to be happy, go out and feel good about yourself!

#40

Oh by the way, feel good about yourself, but have a defense shield for your feelings when the N is near. Just look at him like a tired child just needing to aggravate you so he does not feel so miserable himself, misery loves company!
You got a choice there, to join or not to join.
He has the mental age of a five year old, … do not argue, set rules! Say NO.
You know what I mean, or did you ever have an argument with a N which was productive?
Love You Gypsy