My husband was arrested yesterday. I turned him in. He has been threatening to kill me lately and then tried to smother me with a blanket. Luckily, I got away, but I am done now and filing for divorce. It is all so hard. I just want it to be over with. I spent several hours with the police yesterday and now he is on a restraining order for 72 hours. I am having a hard time right now. I dont know where to start, there is just so much to do. I am afraid of retaliation, but I think the military is keeping an eye on him. They moved him out of the house. my head is spinning
72 HOURS IS NOT A LONG TIME. IT SHOULD BE PERMANENT. HE TRIED TO KILL YOU. I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY ARE GOING TO LET HIM GO. JUST BE VERY CAREFUL. DO NOT SPEAK OR EVEN LET HIM IN THE HOUSE AFTER THE 72 HOURS. KEEP YOUR CELL PHONE WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD LEAVE THE HOUSE. GO TO A FRIENDS FOR A FEW DAYS. GET RID OF THE MAN. DIVORCE HIM AND HAVE YOUR LAWYER PUT A LONG RESTRAINING ORDER ON HIM. 72 HOURS IS NOT ENOUGH.
Make sure you change your locks this very moment. Inform your neighbors to help keep a lookout for anything that shouldn’t be. Take your fear and turn it into a weapon of wisdom hon. Didn’t you press any charges that could of kept him locked up or was it just how the police do things by you. Perhaps find a womans advocate group by you to help you in legal matters . Whatever you do don’t just sit in a corner cowering, you are woman and you ARE STRong, stronger than you know !
A couple of other thoughts:
An alarm system that automatically dials monitoring company,
Have someone stay with you if possible,
Pepper spray,
A couple of rotwiellers?
Definitely agree with those who said you should not stay alone. I think that it is very important that you have someone with you at all times whether you choose to stay in your home or leave temporarily.
Well, funny you mentioned dogs. I have a pit mix who is a wonderful guard dog (that is until someone actually is through the door then she licks them to death, haha) She woke up in the night and barked which alerted me. I ignored it when she laid back down, then I found the back gate open and I usually leave the back door unlocked… i wonder if he came by. Well, I guess the 72 hours is mandatory then they “reevaluate” and see if they need to extend it. What? Like in 72 hours he wouldn’t have done what he did?I don’t know. I think I will go buy some pepper spray tonight and I have already mentioned getting a loooong reaching restraining order. His parents called me today to try to tell me that I am not in and real danger. Real danger? wth? I told them to let me smother them with a blanket after hearing death threats for weeks and see what they think. They said “he isn’t capable of that.” and i said, ok, believe what you want, but you’ll be the ones visiting him in his cell someday when he does kill the next one- and it WONT BE ME! i am totally using my anger to make me stronger. I am seeing the lawyer in the morning tomorrow first thing. They were nice and squeezed me in. I will tell them the pressure is on because I am in a time crunch here. Once those papers are filed there is no reason that he should be allowed to come back here- except to get his things and I will raise hell if he is allowed to come unaccompanied to even do that. He clearly doesn’t think I am going through with the divorce because he had his parents offer for me to go live there for a separation! wth? Yeah, that will do me a lot of good to delay the inevitable.
Im sorry I am yelling at you guys and probably spelling horribly, but I am mad. It feels good to be mad. Im not usually allowed to because then I get blamed for not “letting it go as soon as he says sorry”
ugh! Im excited to be away from this stuff for good! hopefully only 2 weeks!
Go Anna-Good for you, turning your anger into strength!
THAT IS WONDERFUL. LOCK ALL DOORS FROM NOW ON EVEN WHEN YOU ARE HOME. YOU NEVER KNOW. TRUST NOONE. PLEASE LOCK ALL DOORS. IF HE SHOWS YO THEN AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE TIME TO CALL 911 CAUSE IT WOULD TAKE A LITTLE FOR HIM TO GET IN. IF YOU HAVE A CHAIN ON YOUR DOOR LOCK THE CHAIN. I’M BEING SERIOUS. I WOULDN’T TRUST HIM OR ANY OF HIS FRIENDS. THEY ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER. STAY MAD GIRL CAUSE IT MAKES YOU STRONG.
P.S. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO RETURN FOR ANYTHING WITHOUT YOU HAVING THE POLICE THERE FOR THE DURATION!
S~G
Thank you for all the support. I think I am running out of steam here. I went to the lawyers office today and talked to him and he has a very big brother-like attitude towards this situation. It seems he wants to protect me. He promised to have everything ready to be served in less than a week. I won’t chicken out now because I already paid his $1000 fee. yikes.
Anyway, I have been feeling really just beaten. I know I shouldn’t be cowering in the corner, but at this point that is what I feel like doing. Despite my desire to do that though I’ve been fighting it and still going through the motions and doing the things I need to do to get out of here. I am just so beaten. I have to prepare to have a friend’s baby shower this weekend whcih includes scrubbing my floor and I just dont want to do it. I feel so beaten that I dont even want to do my hair and its been in a bun for 3 days. ugh! I am so tired of it already and ive only been running around for a few days like this. I suppose it doesn’t help that I can’t bring myself to eat- except for coffee and pop…
And when he does come to get his things, make a time for him to come…a time when you can have a police officer standing there beside you! They will do this.
I’M WITH SPIRIT-ASK A COP WHERE TO GET “COP STRENGTH” PEPPER SPRAY. ARE TASERS LEGAL? IN THE INTERIM, FIND SOME SPRAY BOTTLES WITH A GOOD DISTANCE STREAM- OR BETTER -A KIDS POWER BLASTER TYPE SQUIRT GUN. HAVE ONE IN EACH ROOM , PURSE, CAR AND ON YOU- AT ALL TIMES. FILL THEM WITH HOT SAUCE, VINEGAR, ETC. AIM FOR HIS EYES!
THE RED CROSS I THINK SUPPLIES FOR A SMALL FEE THE SYSTEM THAT IS LIKE MEDICAL ALERT- YOU CAN WEAR AN ALARM LIKE A NECKLACE. JUST PUSH! TELL THEM YOU WANT AN IMMEDIATE 911 RESPONSE!
AN AIR HORN MIGHT BE GOOD- TELL THE NEIGHBORS TO 911 IF THEY HEAR IT.
ONE THING HAS ALWAYS STUCK WITH ME FROM A SELF DEFENSE LECTURE–NEVER HAVE A WEAPON UNLESS YOU KNOW YOU WILL USE IT- ESP. GUN, KNIFE, TASER! IF YOU FREEZE AND/OR BECOME OVERPOWERED, WELL- NOW ITS HIS WEAPON!
ALSO, LOOK FOR RAPE-SELF DEFENSE CLASS OR SOME WHERE SOMEONE WILL TEACH AND LET YOU PRACTICE DEFENSIVE MANEUVERS. DON’T LET HIM KNOW, DON’T PSYCH YOURSELF OUT!
AND IF YOU NEED TO DISAPPEAR TO A WOMAN’S SHELTER- DO IT! THEY DON’T GIVE OUT INFO TO ANYONE. AND INVEST IN A VOICE RECORDER, MAYBE MOTION LIGHTS FOR THE YARD? CAMERAS? “LOOK PREPARED”! BORROW THE $$ IF YOU HAVE TO! THAT RAT BASTID AIN’T COMING NEAR YA!
YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS- I HONOR YOUR COURAGE. DON’T BE FRIGHTENED BY LOOKING AHEAD, BUT DO TAKE THINGS A DAY AT A TIME. KEEP YOUR MIND ON YOUR SAFETY AND REMAIN ALERT, FOCUSED AND STRONG!!!
PRAYING FOR YOU,
STILL-GRACED
keep fighting
Thank you thank you to everyone for your support. It is so important and infinitely valuable to me right now in this tough time. I wave between pride that I am doing it, horror that my marriage is ending, sadness that I will not be with him for the holidays, and then anger for all that I’ve been through at the hands of the man that I’ve loved so dearly.
I think the confusion is so overwhelming. I teeter between each of these emotions sometimes from minute to minute. I feel very unsteady.
Thank you guys for helping me stay focused and safe.
My thoughts are with you .. I wish you safety, and protection .. most of all !! And, I hope you have support , solid support .. every single day. Abusive marriages are difficult emotionally and I'm quite sure you'll have many emotions and ups and downs .. just remember you are truly loved by many.
I'm here for you .. Always. Keep on keeping on. Jade
Stay mad but also stay wise. Keep your anger but also stay calm . A clear mind sees more than one that is clouded by many emotions.
Why don’t you see if someone can help with the shower. Any friend would understand if you need to pass the " baton" onto another. At least have someone to help weith most of it and you do what you can. There is no reason to continue to tackle everything at once. But if after your’ve rested and you feel fit for the shower then do so , if that is really what you feel up to . Again its a matter of using wisdom . Right now you need to take care of what you need to take care of for yourself , and that isn’t a selfish thing, it’s just a wise thing.
LOL, TY RIVER LASSIE! I SENT A PRIVATE MESSAGE TO ANNA SAYING THE SAME THING ABOUT THE BABY SHOWER! I FEEL EVEN BETTER NOW AND HOPE SHE RECONSIDERS-THAT IT CAN BE RESCHEDULED OR MOVED TO A RESTAURANT SINCE IT IS SHORT NOTICE. AS I SAID, NO ONE INVOLVED WOULD EXPECT SUCH HERCULEAN EFFORTS-AND AT THEIR FRIEND'S GREAT PERSONAL EXPENSE AT THIS VERY CRITICAL TIME.
HECK, IF THE TRUTH IS TOO HARD OR TOO SOON- A LITTLE WHITE LIE WILL DO NICELY- NOT EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW! IT JUST DOESN'Y MEASURE UP TO THE COST TO YOU!!!!
POINT IS ANNA, TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!
DO WHATEVER YOU MUST DO TO GET RESTED AND IN TURN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP FOCUSED, EFFECTIVE AND SAFE!
NOW THERE'S TWO OF US-SO THERE! WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU? HMM?
IT'S OFF TO CHUCKIE CHEESE!!!!!! ;) LOL!!!!
Zenning you strength and support...
S_G'd ~.~
P.S. AHH, RIVER LASSIE! -- "WISDOM"...THAT REMINDS ME OF THE MOST EFFECTIVE PRAYER I'VE EVER KNOWN AND USED IN MY LIFE - "THE SERENITY PRAYER"...SIMPLE BUT POWERFUL...
I really feel sad and scared for you. Can you get out of town or the state or move in with realitives. I think they have shelters for domestic violence victims everywhere now. Do you have children. There is just no excuse for this kind of behaviour in our society anymore. Take care of yourself and DO NOT believe anything he tries to tell you no matter what. Get completely away if you can. Good luck.
Sorry to hear things are this bad for you. Definitely, if he comes to get his stuff either make sure he comes at a definite time and make sure either you are not there or that you have someone or several someones there with you.