Anna-I so remember the confusion you are talking about. When my first marriage ended (and it was not abusive like yours) the roller coaster of emotions almost drove me over the edge…the pride, then sadness, the anger, etc, the emotional turmoil is overwhelming! But ride it out, stay strong, turn to your friends and loved ones for support, because in the end you will be so glad you did and the roller coaster ride will finally end.
thank you again. I finished the shower and the last of the guests just left. One good thing about it is that it got me to eat, which I haven’t been able to do lately. I’ve been physically sick in my stomach over all of this so my appetite is completely gone and I have to force myself to eat once I get to the point of dizziness where I cant really stand much less function very well. I am thinking of investing in a few packs of ensure just so I can get my vitamins. Have any of you gone through this is extreme times of stress such as this?
On another note- all your thoughts are helpful right now when I feel like my heart couldn’t break any further. After all I’ve been feeling, it just seems to feel worse as the hours go by. I literally closed the door after the guests left from the shower and crumbled to the floor. I don’t know how to do this. I feel like all the friends and family in the world couldn’t possibly ease the pain I’m feeling. You know? I mean I feel betrayed by the man I love and have vowed to love through thick and thin and I also feel like I am abandoning him right before the holidays and it feels really heartless. I know I must do it, but it just feels like I am so shattered and yet I keep falling down sadder and sadder. How does anyone ever live through this?
Anna-I know it is so incredibly hard but yes we do live through it! On the road getting there we may at times wish we wouldn’t because the pain is so bad, but you will get through it. I left my first husband on November 17th-I think it was only a week before Thanksgiving that year. I remember sitting in my apartment crying my eyes out, wailing from the pain, wanting him back, missing him, loving him because I did still love him and that is what made it so very hard. Try not to worry about getting through this-just get through each day and the turmoil it brings-I know it sounds silly but just get through one day at a time. I wish I had a better way to let you know you will survive this!
Also just keep in mind that you know you are doing the right thing and you don’t want to have to start all over again no matter how much it hurts right now…you have started the process of becoming free of a harmful relationship. And please take care of yourself-try to eat and yes buy some Ensure! You need to keep your strength to get through this!
It seems like there are many of us that have been through something like this at this particular time of year. It was around thanksgiving/christmas holiday season 12 years ago when my first husband decided to “introduce” me to his mistress! That was hard. I didn’t really celebrate the holidays that year. I cried for months and luckily I had family to make sure that I ate. I didn’t want to, I would say things like “I just ate!”, to which they would reply “yeah, two days ago!”. You will get through this, though not without shedding your fair share of tears. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. It says something. It says that even though you know it’s the best thing you can do at this time, you still loved him and a chapter in your life is closing. That is a very hard thing to accept and deal with. I know now that it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I now wonder to myself how I ever put up with him all the years that I have. I too might be going through a divorce in the near future. There are many of us here that understand completely what you are going through. I can’t say that I know how you feel, and for that I am truly sorry. But please know that I am holding you close to my thoughts and heart. I’m praying for you daily and have my church praying for you as well, especially for your safety! If you find yourself teetering and on the brink of going back to him and listening to his pleas, please go back in your mind to that night when he tried to KILL YOU! If he tried it once, he WILL try it again! I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to or just someone to vent on. Send me a pm if need be. If you want my phone number send me a pm and i’ll give it to you. If you just WANT to talk or feel the desire to get things off of your chest, a sounding board, whatever you need or want, I can be there for you if you want.
hugs and prayers,
dream
BLESS YOUR DEAR HEART, YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS LOVE. A FRIEND TOLD ME A LONG TIME AGO TO KEEP A CAN OF AIRASOL (A FULL CAN) & A LIGHTER RIGHT WHERE i CAN ALWAYS REACH IT. i DO SUGGEST ONE THAT HAS THE NOZZLE INCERCELED FOR YOUR OWN SAFTY. PLACE BOTH AROUND THE HOUSE WHERE YOU CAN GET TO IT WITHOUT SEARCHING TO REACH IT. THIS LOVE IS A TOURCH, GO FOR THE FACE FIRST. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO TRY TO PROTECT YOURSELF. BESIDES I’D PERSONALLY RATHER BE PUT IN JAIL A FEW DAYS THAN TO BE THE VICTUM.
When my split up happened, I spent many hours in bed, at first tearfully, then just staring. I didn't stop working, but much of the time I was immobilized by grief. I had stress-related inflammatory colitis which bled quite a bit, leading to anemia. I also lost about 40 pounds.
A breakup is especially devastating to a person who has invested her entire heart and being into it. The most basic foundations of what we believe is shaken. Recovery takes place on an individual timetable. Don't let anyone tell you that you are grieving too much or too little.
You are not abandoning the person that you married. That person was kind and gentle. You would not have married someone who appeared to be dangerous. The person you are leaving is not safe to be around. Now you have two lives to protect, one of them completely innocent, fresh from Heaven.
Being miserable for a while is probably unavoidable, but if the pain becomes overwhelming, please call someone or go somewhere for support.
You are loved and appreciated, and in a few months, a beautiful and innocent new life will depend upon you for everything. That can be scary, but it's also the most deeply fulfilling experience a human being can have.
Hugs and prayers, Aaron
My goodness, I feel so blessed with all of your thoughts and prayers. It really helps to see that there are still good people in the world. I thought I’d given away my whole heart to a bad person, but evidentally i still have some left because i am in tears of joy just thinking of how awesomely blessed I am to have friends like you. I feel proud to have made it through the day. So once I go to sleep in a few hours, I just have to concentrate on tomorrow.thank you
I feel a little more strength mounting in me each day. Sometimes I even feel it for an hour or more before breaking down again, but being at work helps. I am forced to hold it together. My coworkers are aware of the situation so that in case he shows up here they will see and call the police. They have been more helpful than some of my “friends” that I thought I was close to. I guess during times like these when the chips are down people show their true colors. I mean even one of my friends (whose husband is close to mine) has avoided my phone calls and when I talked to her about it she barely responded except to say that he wants it to work. (which I don’t see how that is possible after what’s happened, nor how that is even true given his actions and total lack of remorse) It was somewhat shocking, but I don’t need friends like that. I have you guys here. 
thanks for sticking by me through this horrible time.
Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I am writing my list right now. Trying to remember each thing that hurt me. You know what makes me the most mad is that he hurt my little dog. She is such a good little girl and she gets so scared. Honestly, I feel like I am responsible for her care and she would pay dearly if I ever ever took him back. I have, in the past, considered putting her up for adoption when he abuses her. Now I will put him up for adoption as it should’ve been all along.
we have a mediated meeting tonight to discuss the divorce and the specifics. I am sooooo nervous that he will suck me bcak into the hell that I was trapped in for the last 2 years. Any advice on how to not let him get back into my head?
YOur a warm wonderful woman Anna. Your young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You have made a very, very courageous move and this will all be over soon and you can begin the rebuilding process.
Unfortunately, it is something that alot of us women here at CP have gone thru at one point in our lives or another. It’s an ugly part, something that you never forget. That is why we know how you feel and we want to hold you close and help you see that there is so much more out there Anna.
Hold your own, because life can be wonderful and you can have so much more, and you ARE on your way! I am very, very proud of you.
Thank you sweeties- everyone. I feel a little bit of strength, but then it seems to fall away. I have had a few moments of great clarity that really opened my eyes to what kind of man he is, was, and (scarily) is becoming. His threats and actions point to a very scary path that his life has begun to take, and I am thankful that I won’t be on that same path with him any more. He is in a very very dark place and now once I am free I can spend more and more time in the light until I heal fully. I feel blessed despite everything that is plagueing my life right now. Thank you all.
GOOD FOR YOU. YOU GO GIRL. YOU ARE STRONGER THEN YOU THINK YOU ARE.
ThePhoenixx, perhaps you don’t understand the process of the whole thing that Anna is having to go thru, and she has to go thru that because of her current situation. So you don’t really have all the facts. She isn’t really in a situation to pick and choose the meeting.
Anna is worth more and there is nothing wrong with telling her that. Please, lets not get into any kind of mess, problems, or any thing of the sort here. I think we both know what it means to be in Anna’s position, maybe more than you think, and the whole point is, that everyone that is posting here, and talking with Anna in other ways, is trying to help her. Anna has shown quite a bit of strength already. I am proud of her.
I agree with your idea of no eye contact, etc. is an excellent one. But don’t jump on encouragement here because you don’t care for who is giving it. In a situation like this you need to know all the facts, or you can end up getting someone killed.
KEEP REMEMBERING ALL THE BULLSHIT HE HAS PUT YOU THRU. HE TRIED TO KILL YOU WITH A BLANKET. HE THREATENS YOU. KEEP THINKING OF ALL THIS GIRLFRIEND. YOU WANT TO LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT. YOU DESERVE BETTER. DON’T CAVE IN NOW OR YOU MIGHT GET HURT SOMEDAY BY HIM AND I MEAN PHYSICALLY. DON’T YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY AND NOT WORRY IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE THREATENED OR HAVE HIM ATTEMPT TO KILL YOU. UP TO YOU . LET HIM KNOW ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND IT IS TOO LATE. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE AND HE IS A SICK PERSON.
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don’t take ‘no’ for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE SINGLE FLAW IN A WOMAN,
IT IS THAT SHE FORGETS HER OWN WORTH.
BON JUST SENT THIS TO ME AND I HAD TO POST IT TO SEND TO YOU.
Anna, Remember that you have these feelings for a reason! As you sit to discuss things with him, remember how good you feel about getting free, remember how bad things used to be. Concentrate on this and don’t let him even think about dragging you back! You are way too smart for that!
Thank you for that. I will read it several times throughout the day today to prepare. i do need to remind myself of how badly he’s treated me so that there is absolutely no room for negotiation.
STEVE IS RIGHT AND I HOPE YOU LISTEN AND KEEP REPEATING WHAT WE ARE SAYING TO YOU. PLEASE.