ok i will concentrate really hard on remember the horrible things I’ve gone through. I do not want to suffer at his hand ever again.
YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER THE RIGHT MAN. I AM SO GLAD YOU CAME TO CP. YOU REALLY ARE A GOOD PERSON AND I HOPE YOU THINK SO ALSO. YOU DESERVE THE BEST.
HUGS,PRAYERS AND LOVE,
DREEN
Anna. Take some paper. Sit down. Think. Think about how it makes you feel when he calls you names. Think about how it makes you feel when he abuses you. Is this what you want for your life? It will NOT change. No matter what he promises. How many timse has he promised before. Write down on that paper how it made you feel at these times. I know. It made you feel small, like you were nothing. Like you wished you were dead. Think how many many times YOU did things for HIM to please him. How many times was that returned? This is NOT the relationship for you. You know that. YOu are young. You are young enough to get past this. Do you want to keep going, to have children with this man? Do you want your children to watch this man treat thier mother as a doormat, like you matter as much as a piece of dirt on the floor?
Anna, Honey, you are worth soo soo much more. I pray that you will keep your strength. Take your friends from CP in your heart into this meeting with you, take a friend to wait outside with you, take whatever you need, but you dn’t need to let someone back into your life that it has take this much to get out. If you let him back in Anna, you are risking your own life. It will not get better.
I pray for you that you have to strengh. I think you do, you have shown an amazing amount so far, so please, please get through this meeting tonight. I know it will not be easy. Please call me if you need to, you have my #, and if you want me to call you send me a PM. …B
I actually have different advice.
I havent been through the divorce process so I’m not sure what the lawyer is doing for you in mediation.
But if your lawyer is going to be there, I would ask him/her to do most of the talking FOR YOU. I would make as little eye contact as possible with my ex. If when I had to talk I sounded like I was waffling, I would hope my lawyer would know I’d want him/her to jump in for me, considering how easy it is to be intimidated and manipulated by a narcissist or sociopath.
Well actually, the truth is I would never agree to mediation ith someone I was putting a restraining order on, I confess I dont get that part but maybe I’m not understanding your situation fully, as well as being ignorant of the process.
I ONLY did mediation with my exhusband and it was with our marriage counsellor being the mediator, we’re separated not legally divorced, but the split was amicable and mutual. With my narcissist/sociopath ex BF, I woudlnt even enter the same building as him if I could do anything about it.
I think I posted this on the NPD forum, it helps me immensely to think of him as a fatal infectious disease, or a deadly toxin. It helps me keep my mind and heart and spirit pulled far far away from him so that I dont ever allow my tender feelings to put me at risk of injury again.
Its only now after a few years of separation, years of therapy, months of EMDR…and time…lots of time to heal and go through all the stages an abused woman needs to go through in order to claw herself back to normal that I can afford the luxury of thinking of him as a human being again…but thats precisely because I am at NO RISK of falling down anymore.
if youre asking questions, youre likely at risk of that.
Your primary objective from this day forward is keeping yourself protected and “hermetically sealed” from the poison.
And as I said, for me, hermetically sealed, meant just that.
There was no way even 5 parts per billion of him was allowed to get in.
no eye contact, no physical contact, not even share the same oxygen of an elevator, no communication in any form…locked down.
good luck
also, I can appreciate everyone telling you you are worth so much more…all my friends told me the same things. I dont know if youre like me, but those words didnt mean anything to me. Not that I didnt believe it, but because my heart was so full of pain, my brain so scrambled and conflicted, my spirit so traumatized that there was a large chunk of vocabulary that was just blank to me, I’d watch people’s mouths speak, or read the text on the screen, but often, for months it had no meaning.
if there is anything written here or said by your family and friends that you dont “get” right away, that you are confused by, that just seem too foggy, dont be afraid to tell them youre kinda foggy right now, and would they please repeat it, or write it down, or explain what they mean.
I must have said “what do you mean?” a 1,000 times not because I didnt understand the english language anymore, but because a traumatized mind is slow to take in everything like it used to.
So as people say “youre worth more, you deserve better”, let me say this:
“you may not think it right now, but you will remember, you will have it in your awareness, it will become part of your being again one day…in the meantime…if this was a war, and you were not as equally well armed as your opponent, do what is wise…protect, protect, protect yourself…the rest will all fall into place later…above all else…safety!”
Anna, there you go. Your little dog. That is your inspiration. I told you before what about that socket wrench in the eye o the cat. IF they can do that to an animal, no telling…
I am so sorry about your little baby dog. Keep your baby close, and take the advice and keep your eyes away from his, do not look at him and let your lawyer do the talking. You were saying yesterday he was doing pretty good and on your side. You can be pretty strong when you want.
It’s just too bad you can’t line all of us up here on CP behing you, wouldn’t that be a sight??? All of us bulldog mad behind you? That’d put the scare into him! 
Hang in there hon and we are here!!!
oh that makes me feel really good to have an army. i wish I could bring you all with me. i would be sure to suceed then!
Bonbon,
this may be the worst thread for you to be stirring stuff with me again . In fact why dont we all be mature about it, especially since the holidays are coming for everyone, and cease and desist until the New Year? I think it would be of beneift to everyone if we both chose mature interactions that are RESPECTFUL and dignified (as you know, the same request since I first came to this forum). I believe you agreed to that in another thread just yesterday.
Dont twist my words or intent around.
Anna I apologize this drama follows me onto your thread, please ignore it for your own benefit.
anna,
I’m going to make this short as I’m not feeling too well right now but felt that this point has to be made. HE TRIED TO KILL YOU! It wasn’t just another abusive episode, it was attempted murder! Please remember that! If you let him back in, the next time you might not be so lucky, you might not get away. I care too much to let that happen. For your safety, for your little dog’s safety, DON’T LET HIM BULLSHIT HIS WAY BACK IN! I apologize for the profanity, but he’s tried it once, he will try again. Please, Please keep that in mind!
sending encouraging thoughts and strengthening vibes,
dream
Please save yourself, Anna. I am praying for you. Don’t get caught up in the cycle of abuse, again. Break yourself free of it, now, before it is TOO LATE.
thank you so much for the encouragement. I feel very vulnerable. I am taking my friend and the victim advocate with me so hopefully that will be good enough support so they can whip me into shape if they see me crumbling. I am terrified! I dont want to be with him. i dont want to go back. i feel like I am about the go into war. (and I was in the army for 5 years, nothing like the vulnerability i feel right now.) I really hope that this is a day I will look back on and be proud of me too. i hope I can say - wow look how hard it was to stand my ground, but i did it.
meeting is in 3 hours at 5pm(hawaii time)
I will be thinking about you Anna, Stay strong…
I'm not sure what the rules are for mediation, but I think you should invent this one:
You will agree to nothing, without first discussing it with your lawyer and not in your soon to be ex husband's presence. If you stick with this principle, I don't see how you could possibly be sucked back into anything. If you start getting really uptight, call for a timeout, five or 10 minutes, just for a break and to get re-centered.
It's a bit like going to the dentist, no fun, but eventually, it will be completely over.
OK…so now we are sitting back waiting…wondering…
hoping…praying…
Oh my gosh. You guys were truly my army of support standing behind me weren’t you. I did cry a little bit, but through the tears I made the strongest stand yet. I think that will be the last time I will ever have to look at him in the face or hear his voice. I stood my ground and kept it business related. I allowed him one chance to speak in the beginning and said, “Do you have anything to say before we get started?” and he said “Yes, are you sure you want to do this?” and I said bodly, (even though there were a few tears falling) yes absolutely." He said, “Ok, you know I’ve wanted this for a long time so I am fine.” (I was like yeah right, but a glance shot to the victim advocate sitting next to me said it all- she knew what i was thinking) then I proceeded to read off the list of items that I wanted to discuss and my proposals for who would take which debts. It was as though someone else had taken over for me. It was a battle that I had truly turned over to God and he did all the work for me. I felt the presence of all of your support there with me in that room. Toward the end, the Chaplain (who was there as an unbiased party to supervise more or less) asked if there was anything else and I said he could go first. He said “I’ll always love you” and I said “this is unfortunate and a part of me will always love you too.” I then said I had one thing to add. “If you take anything from this then maybe you could use this opportunity to get some of the help you need through counseling. The hate and anger you have inside of you is so intense that it will consume you…” and he interrupted to say (in a somewhat raised angry voice, I might add) “I have no anger or hate in me…” and I then looked to the Chaplain and said (while standing up) “Ok we are done here.”
During part of the conversation he raised his voice to my friend about some minute detail- which was not why he was mad though. I had brought her because she was strong and he had no idea who she was which was a statement about the fact that he DOESNT know who all of my friends are and that I have contacts outside of him who he has no control over.
The victim advocate (who sees this all the time, I might add) told me she could see exactly why I was so scared and that he showed how controlling he was when he insisted that he would hire a lawyer (which he hadn’t yet because he was still, as of yesterday believing that I would change my mind about divorce) even though we had agreed to all of the terms during the meeting which were stated in the prepared decree. (which I had ALREADY signed before I’d even given it to him and he mentioned sort of meekly that I’d signed them already)
All in all, it was the best outcome I could’ve hoped for. I feel like it was a huge huge victory on my part. I almost am in shock still actually because I never thought I would be so strong. I think I really have you guys here at CP to thank for that and of course God above for coming down and holding my hand. I feel so incredibly blessed to have the support network that I have had through this. I know I am not out of the woods yet, but Im one big step closer. Stealing back the control felt really good. I cant wait for all of this to be over.
I am a little scared though. I am at home and he knows where the house it of course and it is walking distance from where he is staying. If he were ever going to seriously hurt me I think this would be the time. I dont think he will break the protective order though. I have all the doors locked the windows locked and my phone right by me in case I hear a peep.
Anyway, thank you for all the strength you have all helped me gain through this. I am sure I will still have more bumps, but this was a major major step in the right direction. I faced him and no longer feel any pull to go back at all. (at least not right now 
Dearest Ann I’m So Very Proud Of You. I Hope Those Are New Locks On Your Door. WHATEVER YOU DO DEAR, DON’T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. YOU REALLY SUOULD FIND ANOTHER HOME, ONE THAT YOU’LL KNOW THE KNOOKS & CRANNIES OF, & HE WON’T. I’M NOT TRYING TO SCARE YOU LOVE, BUT TO HELP YOU STAY ON GUARD. THIS WON’T BE OVER, EVEN AFTER THE DIVORCE, FOR A LONG TIME. I’LL BET YOU DANCED INSIDE, & PROBABLY OUTSIDE TOO AT YOUR NEWFOUND STRENGTH !!! WE’RE ALL SO VERY PROUD & HAPPY FOR YOU , & WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY WITH & FOR YOU LOVE. YOU ARE WOMAN, YOU ARE STRONG !!! !!! :>) :>) :>)))
Great job Anna-Stay strong and be proud!
YOU OVERCAME A BIG OBSTACLE LAST NIGHT, ANNA. GREAT!!! WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU…KEEP ON GOING, WITH THE SUPPORT OF ALL OF US…GOD IS WITH YOU!
IM AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT. SEE YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON. CONGRADS MY FRIEND.
HUGS
This is the best news Anna. I am sooooo proud of you. It was great that you took your friend with you as support, that really helped. It turned out good! Not that it’s all easy from here, but at least some of the hardest is over.
Stay away from him, keep those spirits up. Get your stuff together for your move back to the mainland and then when you get back here you can begin your healing process. You’ve already shown that you have it in you to be a very strong woman, and the rest you will be fine. Just take it a day at a time. Oh Anna, this is wonderful.
Take a fast drive around the island and enjoy that scenery, the beaches, stop and sit up in the mountains that look down upon that beautiful water and thank God that you have a second chance now and things will work out. Your free now, it may not feel like it, but your on your way. It will get a little better every day. We will be here for you on your bad days, and on your good days have fun and you can be here for some of us! You won’t miss that humidity anyway!
We are all so proud of you!