The problem is that the military has a whole seperate set of laws and they are not designed to protect me, but to protect him. Unfortunately that includes him banking big bucks off of kicking me out of the house. My lawyer is a civilian and can’t even touch them.
I plan on seeing what I can do in the mean time just to take care of me and then making sure that he gets the bill.
WELL SCREW IT AND JUST GO MOVE WITH YOUR FAMILY. SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET AHEAD CAUSE OF THE SITUATION . YOUR SAFETY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. PLEASE GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.
Thanks.
youre right phoenix that there are many many military members that have trouble with domestic violence- partly because of combat and also partly because of their daily stressors. They are getting stronger and stronger support networks set up to help abused spouses and children, but honestly, the idea that the army should help take care of the families of soldiers more is relatively new and is still in the works. They will always look out for the member first- which is their job, but what is also their job is to hold them accountable for their actions. Most commanders do, but this one has been wooed somewhat by his cunning nature and is hesitant to believe that there is DV at all.
Unfortunately, our great military here in the u.s. is partial to the MALE soldier. I am sure that will change with time, at least hopefully, but for now, that is the way it still is. It’s very hard for a military spouse to get things done, especially when having to deal with the spouse’s command, which for the main part, takes up the part of thier troop. You’ve done things correctly Anna, getting the victims’ advocate, and all the things that you have already accomplished. The military does make it much harder. I do know what kind of mentality Anna faces, for I have faced it myself while standing by my daughter’s side, both here in CA, and in Hawaii when she was transferred there. Make no mistake, no matter what branch of the service you are in, the milatary is a man’s world. You have come a long way Anna, just keep going. You already know how it is, youv’e spent five years in the military yourself.
I know that housing is going to be a problem, and your right, off-base low cost housing in your area is virtually non-existant. The last time I was there in 2004 it was really tightening up. I can imagine what it is now. Just take your time and try to work things out. See if there isn’t some kind of way you can expedite your move, keep calling every day.
I HAVE HEARD THE SAME THING BON. IT’S LIKE YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. THEY STICK UP FOR THEIR MEN. THE ARMY DOES I SHOULD SAY.
I think pretty much all branches are like that. My dealings were mainly all with the Marine Corps. and the Navy.
Yeah, having been a female soldier as well as an NCO (non-commissioned officer) I felt the heat from both directions- my subordinates who didn’t respect having a woman in charge of them and my superiors who tested me to the limits because I was a woman. Well, all in all, in my time in the military I withstood every single test and eventually surpassed my peers (the men) so my vision of the military may be a little bit different than some other women who have met some of the road blocks. (you can imagine why my husband pressured me to get out of the army- all that strength I had was stripped from me almost immediately afterward by him becoming the ‘higher ranking’ once I was a civilian and had no rights in the military’s eyes) I have seen from the inside, the lengths to which some of the internal organizations go to try to support families and look out for them while their husbands (or wives) are deployed and they inch along so slowly in their progress, but it is progress nonetheless.
I will say that if I was still in the Army my word would hold a whole lot more credibility with the commander. In fact, an incident happened when we were both still in and it came into the light for his commander to see and he was all but strung up by his toe nails, (hindsight is 20/20… should’ve let him hang there) that is until he convinced me that the abuse was in my imagination (or some bizarre abuse mind game tactic)so I would bail him out. I know that had I not, he would have been charged and punished very harshly- as they were already on the war path until I had stopped them.
I am off on a tangent now, but all in all I think the Army is trying to catch up with the times, they just aren’t quite there yet. The most unfortunate of this whole thing are the victims who can’t even press charges on a military (federal) installation because it is up the MPs to investigate then it gets turned over to the same coddling commanders for punishment. I think if I had the option to press charges on him for assault then I would, but because it was on federal property, then local authorities really can’t touch it- unless he breaks the restraining order that was issued by the state.
For situations like mine in the housing trouble. The social worker has stated that they would like to see the policy be changed to require that the spouse AND service member both be listed on the lease so that the lease may not be terminated without the spouses consent in situations like mine where the member would cancel it to be spiteful. Sadly they told me that it happens quite often.
so are you discharged? or still on the payroll?
no I got out a year ago. I work as an army contractor now.
what kind of contract work?
education for the soldiers
so is this a down time for you?
is there a long downtime between contracts?>
FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND AND I MAY BE WRONG THEY STICK UP FOR THEIR BOYS. THAT IS WHAT I HEARD FROM FRIENDS THAT HAVE GONE THRU THIS. JUST BE CAREFUL.
Oh I do definitely know that they will not be on my side since I am no longer as soldier and I am and outsider or “the enemy” to them. Hopefully, I will be gone and they will all be out of my life soon enough!
They will protect their own. I was just meaning to say that when I was one of “their own” life was easier.
YOU ARE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO BECOMING THAT STRONG WOMAN YOU WERE WHEN YOU WERE A PART ON THE MILITARY. I SEE MORE & MORE OF THAT VERY STRONG SERVICE WOMAN SURFACING WITH EVERY ENTRY YOU POST DEAR. I BELEIVE YOUR STRENGTH WAS TO MUCH FOR HIM. HE WANTED YOU, BUT COULDN’T HANDEL THE STRONG DETERMINED WOMAN YOU WERE. THAT’S WHY HE HAD TO STRIP OF YOUR DIGNITY. OH BUT OFFICER ANNA IS VERY MUCH ON HER WAY BACK, & SHE’S GOING TO BE ALL THE STRONGER & MORE DETERMINED. YOUR INTELEGENCE WAS BY FAR MORE THAN HE COULD HANDEL. I BELEIVE YOUR STRONG FAITH IN OUR LORD WILL SEE YOU THROUGH WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH TO SEE THIS TO THE END, & TO YOUR GAINING A PEICE OF MIND AGAIN. HE’S BUILT A BOMB, & IT’S GOING TO BLOW UP IN HIS FACE. SO HOLD ON LOVE, WE’RE ALL ROOTING, & PRAYING FOR YOU. LOVE, CATHY
Babysister is right, you are gaining more and more confidence. YOu have done a good job, and you will continue to handle the conditions that come up. Yes, of course life was easier when you were “in”, but at least from being on the insde you understand the whole process much better.
Good luck in things that are coming up Anna. Your constantly on my mind!
oh thank you so much for the encouragement. have you really noticed a difference in me already? I guess I am just so stunned and going through the motions to do what I have to do to get out of here that I hadn’t had time think about that. I guess I am sort of in survival mode. But, I really appreciate have cp to come to. thank you
thanks bon. you are like a big sister to me and you’ve really helped me through this. I am not sure if you can ever know how much. i don’t feel strong. i just feel like i am going on instincts alone and finally trusting my gut.