Yup! You Rock, Anna! Now you can feel the same pride in yourself that we do! Anna takes charge! Yeah! You are the one who contols your future…nobody else!
Oh thank you everyone. I am not sure if the realization has even hit me yet, but I woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face and it kept spreading and spreading and then my face hurt. hehe I will just have to wait now, but soon I will leave this life forever.
I think I will take that drive around the island and really take in God’s splendor in every beautiful wave and grain of sand. I haven’t really enjoyed that in a looooooong time. I feel so incredibly blessed.
I am going to concentrate on staying vigilant. Don’t think that this newfound happiness over being (soon) free has allowed me to let my guard down. I bought a new (extra) lock that is one of those slider metal ones so I can open the door an inch or so to peek out, because I can’t see through the peeky hole very well.
Thanks guys. you are all so great. 
WHOOP!! Waking up with a smile is SOOOOO good.
good for you
YOU are the one that did all this Anna!
YEAH! YOU GO GIRL!!!!Be proud of yourself, Anna. Keep that smile going, hon!
hi, anna…
I am so happy for you! Lotsa hugs I'm sending your way!WAY TO GO ANNA!!! HIP HIP HOORAY! Congratulations, you have just cleared a mighty hurdle. There will be many more to clear but the hardest part, finding out that it is possible, is out of the way now. You will be just fine as long as you keep your guard up. I can’t remember who said it, but they were right to ask if you have changed all of the locks in your house yet. Also make arrangements with you neighbors for some kind of signal. I remember my parents had a signal that if the flashlight was on in the front window then the neighbors knew something was wrong and to call the police. It actually saved our lives once. So please keep that in mind. you don’t have to involve ur neighbors to have them help you, but it will definitely send a strong message to ur soon to be ex-husband that you do not intend to be a victim anymore! Please keep us updated on how you are doing and remember we are all here for you whenever you may need it!
sending many hugs and prayers,
dream
I am staying vigilant and feeling very betrayed- if that makes sense at all. I feel like I put my love and trust out there to be stolen, beaten, and disrespected. I feel that I was fooled into thinking that there was ever real love in him for me, but now I know that there wasn’t. He is hollow and heartless. I feel like I was blinded by the apparent kindness in him that only showed its face at convenient times and that I just wanted to believe that I hadn’t met the devil face to face. Now I think I have. I think he lived with me and sucked the life out of me for 2 years straight. I think he would’nt have stopped trying to kill me emotionally, spiritually, and eventually physically too. I question my judgement seriously in allowing a person like that to come so far into my life just because I wanted to believe that everyone is good at their very core and everyone makes mistakes. I am not sure I believe that anymore- which I think he stole that from me too. I believe that there are wholely evil people out there and now I may be doomed to walk around with a chip on my shoulder and a major hesitance to trust again.
This sucks. (excuse my language) 
I know exactly where you are. Have lived it for the last few years, and in some ways am still living it.
All I can say is it may feel like the truth and like an all-pervasive reality now, and that may be good, it may be what keeps us insulated and protected like Fort Knox until we’re healed enough and recuperated enough and grown our cahonas enough that letting down the nihilism and the fortress walls wont mean automatic pain and destruction.
I cant say I know that will change in the future, I cant say it to myself yet, let alone you. But I do have some hope that it will. That its a stage one goes through, some for a short period of time, some others for a long period. And as my T has said, some women never allow themselves to become vulnerable again after that…but then some find themselves in yet another destructive abusive relationship too.
I cant tell you if I’m ever going to become open and warm hearted again, but I can say with 100% confidence, I wont be finding myself in an abusive relationship again.
There are more stages you’ll find yourself moving through. So what I can also say is, let yourself feel bad, disenchanted, angry, indignant…my feelings came and went with the months or the hours.
Theyre all the steps to get from Hell to Earth again.
I tried everything I knew to rush it (being impatient as I am) and learned the hard lesson, healing is on its own s chedule. All you can do is support it with as many helpful actions, and choices as you can make.
ANNA YOU DID THE RIGHT THING AND NOW YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY, TOOK ALOT OF COURAGE BUT YOU ARE THERE. YOU STILL HAVE A WAY TO GO BUT YOU CAN DO IT. WE LOVE U HERE AT CP AND ARE HERE FOR YOU.
You are young and resilient,
Anna. Feel your feelings, all of them. Take time to heal, as long as it takes and then you will know when you are ready to start your life again. The world will be yours again! We are here for you…
I left Hawaii in 1990, but at that time, there were rental subsidies available. People in the building I managed were paying $340 of a $650 rent charge. I know it must be a lot more expensive now, but there may be something in a similar ratio these days too. Call some local realtors.
The reason I asked if there was anything the military created is because I imagine it takes a certain personality to become a soldier, another to survive training,
that certain effects would be created if they ever saw combat
and even more if they experienced trauma.
those personalities and the effects on them, I would imagine would result in tremendous strain on spouses and children, and they could use some kind of support within the marriage and as a marriage dissolves…especially if there are allegations of abuse.
So you’ll never guess what the jerk did now. He cancelled the lease on the house so I have 28 days to move out which may not be enough time for the military’s paperwork to go through to move my things and send me home. The reason he can do that is because the military only allows the service member to be on the lease. I may be homeless in hawaii in 28 days. He is only required by law to give me less than $600 of the $2000 that the army gives him for housing once I am out of the house. In hawaii, there is no such thing as a house or apartment for $600. $800 will get me a roach infested studio if I’m lucky and then I would still be responsible for paying for movers to move me into the place and or storage for everything else. UGH! He isn’t smart enough to figure this out on his own so I know that someone told him to do it so that he can begin pocketing the remaining $1400 of his housing allowance for as long as he stretches out the divorce.
What the heck?!
Is there some kind of support service on the base for women in your predicament? I cant imagine youre the first to undergo this kind of thing.
I can just imagine the upped adrenalin and panic that sets in as things start unravelling that you cant control, as he begins to figure out which things he CAN.
Same old destructive power dynamic
I know theres a silver lining in it, in that it gets you out in a bigger hurry, and the sooner the better I imagine. But who needs the anxiety right?
All I can recommend is getting on the phone ASAP tomorrow (oh youre 4 hours behind me so maybe this afternoon) and see what support you can gather around you in terms of what the base offers for divorcing spouses of military, or the victims of abuse.
Good luck.
Thank you for the suggestion, I have been in touch with a victim’s advocate who are designed to help the abused spouses in any way they need. Unfortunately, to option left once the house is gone will only be to go to a shelter or hotel and pay for a storage unit. She has seen this before and she said the only thing that she can do is pressure they to push the paperwork faster so we will see what happens. She said she’ll call them every single day until it is done and she will bug them. I think I will do the same thing- its all I can do. Squeeky wheel gets the oil right? Well, I’m prepared to squeeeeeeeeek up a storm at them until I’m outta here.
You are totally right about him excercising the last bit of control he has over me- same ol games. He just knew that #1 he can’t stop me from leaving #2 he can’t stop me from divorcing him (in hawaii, if he doesn’t sign the papers or respond to the court in 20 days, then it goes as a ‘default’ ruling in the favor of the plantiff) but he can only stop me from living in “his” house. He is really proving to me how pathetic he is. I won’t soon forget it either and I will make sure that if I do need to incurr moving costs or hotel fees that he will be paying them in the final divorce settlement. My lawyer has already said he’s seen this before and the only thing we can do is let him bury himself and then he’ll pay for it in the long run when everything is said and done and a judge reviews his antics. ugh!
YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. YOU WILL BE OK. STAY STRONG. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU AND AS LONG AS YOU KEEP YOUR GUARD UP. YOU WILL BE FINE. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND I KNOW YOU WILL BE FINE.
I think you are so fortunate to have a victims advocate.
I never went the way of any support services, I just toughed it out on my own, me, my T and my girlfriends. I can remember how daunting, overwhelming and scary it was.
Imagining someone in your corner making daily phonecalls, on your side, “having your back” seems like a comforting addition in your journey.
I’m glad for you.
HIM TRYINY TO KILL YOU HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS, TALK TO YOUR LAWYER.