I have many new guys interested in me.I have also been getting numerous compliments from people in general regarding how beautiful i look.I am realizing how much potential i have for greatness.However,ever so often i think about the N and still feel stuck.
I have to fight this feeling and pray for complete renewal.
Healed1
ANGIEZEE,It’s refreshing to hear from you. How are you?
Mary - I do not agree that they are not capable of loving. I do not agree at all. What they cannot do is feel empathy - to know how to touch the one they love emotionally in a loving way. They are two different things. But then how many of us can do that? Some should be careful not to become narcissistic themselves - to be that which they despise in others. Mary
Btdt100,
I looked back at the postings that may have been troubling for you,and realized that we were "lightening up a bit"and having a little fun;which i think we deserve.In the midst of pain and healing a sense of humour is strong medicine.
FREEDOM! I felt like I was in jail with my Ex. I was wrong for everything, I was wrong for breathing! FREEDOM! To be myself and all the imperfectness that goes along with that.
Healed, I’m so glad you’re getting clarity. Clarity about who you really are and what you truly deserve. The lesson from all this drama is to never go down this path again. I have dated N’s all my life, my Father was in N. I had no idea before! Now that I’m impowered with knowledge I can choose a different path and honestly after all the hurt and tears how wonderful is that!
healed1
I was in a car accident a few years ago, thankfully it was not serious, no one hurt, just bruised up. I hated, that after that I became so aware of my driving and all the cars around me, it left me very nervous and fearfull every time I had to drive somewhere, but I kept on driving. I hated that, I just wanted to get back to normal, get in the car and drive, not thinking something could happen. I don't remember how long that lasted or the day that fear finally left, but it did. An N is like a tornado that went through your life or a serious car wreck, your left a little fearfull but one day without noticing it you will get back to normal and be renewed, you just have to keep moving forward, it will happen. Hugs mamolie
It takes time .Time to heal your broken heart and wounded spirit.It takes time to find yourself again.Remember who you were before you met this man.For me to have a sound mind I had to read the bible and have Gods truth speak to me daily.God will turn this around for you and use this for your good.What you have been through has been tragic it doesn't go away over night.However there is hope healing and a future with your name written all over it.The Lord is more interested in your destiny than he is in your past.For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.In those days when you pray ,I will listen.If you look for me wholeheartedly you will find me. I will be found by you, says the Lord. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes.Jeremiah 29;11-14.For me I read and underline and write scriptures down and claim them over my life.Most days I was weeping while doing it but it kept my mind sound.Being stuck is temporary.Make a decision and allow only 15 minutes to think of him and then force your mind to think of something else,for me I think of my kids-thats true love and I feel good when they are on my mind.you are also going through grief,he doesn't have to die to feel the loss.You have to fight to get through this and I know you have it in you.All these stories I read I feel apart of myself in each one.We are helping one another thats the good being turned around please write back marybThe N i dated was sometimes clingy and insecure,yet bold and arrogant.He wanted the perfect woman,yet he celebrated his imperfections.I agree also that the lesson from all this drama is to never go down this path again.
The N`s we had or have are not capable of loving us nor our replacements.
The not loving us--------That truth is what hurt me to my soul because I loved with all my heart
Maryb2100,
This is why we are on this forum.The pain and confusion that comes from living through the abuse and intelectual realization that they did not love us,and that it was all just a Fata Morgana as the world famous Narcissist writes(God bless him for his contribution to this world).
There is this cognitive dissonance that prevails as our heads and hearts differ.
Healed1 - I am SO glad to hear that! That realization - that you ARE special, unique and wonderful - is what we all have to get back to. I find it ironic that the women that we WERE, are what attracted our Ns to us in the first place, but then they beat us down to where we don’t know who we are anymore. BECAUSE we are ultimately strong, we’ve been able to throw the monkey wrench into his perfect persona image of us and start the healing process of breaking up - I know, ladies - I said it correctly. While we are all here hurting because of the break up that has happened, needs to happen or will happen, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE ALL NEED!!!
I was going to post a suggestion last week, but changed my mind. I decided that even though we’re not “officially” broken up (but haven’t seen each other in 5-6 weeks), it is over - I am done! I had actually been falling out of love with him the last weeks we were “tight”. I deserve better, but wasn’t sure IF I could ever develop an interest in another - OR, if others might like me anymore. I put myself back out on an internet site. Now, I’ve spent maybe 3-4 months on one in the past 3 years - I get off because I get bored or disillusioned. It’s been the best thing I could have done - lots of interest - AND, because I’m stronger, I’ve been able to cut to the chase and filter a bunch of the losers out. I am talking to a couple of very nice, normal, decent men!! They exsist!!! They have an interest in finding women like us!!! Ladies - get out and prove to yourselves that you deserve better and DO NOT SETTLE for this crap anymore. Healed1 has it absolutely correct. Do whatever it is you need to do…
As an aside: mine is in California, temporarily playing out another facade and thinks that when he comes back, I’ll be there. He said: “Yeah, babe, now that work has finally slowed down, I can see you again” - PU LEASE!!! Tip: “call” them on suspected fabrications - i.e.: mine supposedly has a condo in San Diego across from the beach and he called me from there the day he arrived. I “innocently” asked him if he didn’t have a camera on his phone and he said he did - “great, babe (tongue in cheek), do this for me - take some pics of the beach from your place, take some pics of your place, your Lexus - that way I can feel like I’m there with you!” He suddenly had to take another call and I haven’t heard back yet!!! YES!!!
Healed1 - I am so glad to hear where you are - I can’t wait until everyone on this board now doesn’t need it anymore and we’ll start a new one - what should we call it?
The bottom line is this - we weren’t put on this earth without purpose and nothing happens without a reason - I firmly believe that. There is a reason we were supposed to go through this - let’s learn from it and move one. Happy Labor Day!
Don’t be angry with BTDT100 she makes a point though you may not like the way it was presented. They do love but their emotions are shallow. Read this passage from my book, this is what she’s trying to say:
Narcissists appeal to our own Narcissistic issues:
You don’t have to be a toxic textbook narcissist to have narcissistic vulnerabilities. We all have them. We all have that narcissistic “Achilles heel”. We want to feel special, better and different. We don’t want to be invisible. We don’t want to be just one of the indistingushable billions who walk the planet. And that makes us vulnerable to the promises and powers of the destructive narcissist.
In all of these responses i can see how much we have all come to understand what has happened to us.Mamolie,getting back into dating is as challenging as getting back behind the wheel after having been shaken up by an accident,but as you said we must just keep doing it and in time it gets better.Maryb2100,the word of God prevails,i have to hold on and be all that i am.It would have been easier if the N was not a part of my community.I will be seeing a lot of him.We will be around the same people at Church and in our businesses.Whenever i run into people we both know,they talk about all the things he has done for them.This is tough.
The way i have handled him lately,is exactly perpetuating his perfect persona image of me.I am no nonsense.He does not have to know how i feel anymore,he does not care.
Do you all realize how we can be so strong ,have such amazing insight and understanding of what we need to do yet at times still feel down.For me it is because of the fact that i have to be around him.
Healed1
It's gotta be very hard seeing him and being around others who know him or should I say know his false self.There's has to be some people who know his crazyness they're just not saying anything or you haven't come across them yet. In my case my husbands whole family knew and no one told me untill his funeral,that's when his sisters told me the truth.Even with that it has taken me 8 months to figure this all out.I am so thankfull for this site because we are helping each other and we understand the impact this has played on our lives.This is an emotional hell and in many ways we will never be the same but instead of letting it destroy us we come through with stronger charactor faith and wisdom. What should have killed us but didn't makes us annointed , we will heal and be able to help others heal along the way.This is how I beleive it turns around for good. marybIt's gotta be very hard seeing him and being around others who know him or should I say know his false self.There's has to be some people who know his crazyness they're just not saying anything or you haven't come across them yet. In my case my husbands whole family knew and no one told me untill his funeral,that's when his sisters told me the truth.Even with that it has taken me 8 months to figure this all out.I am so thankfull for this site because we are helping each other and we understand the impact this has played on our lives.This is an emotional hell and in many ways we will never be the same but instead of letting it destroy us we come through with stronger charactor faith and wisdom. What should have killed us but didn't makes us annointed , we will heal and be able to help others heal along the way.This is how I beleive it turns around for good. marybIm so glad to read this healed1 !!! I wish you every luck finding someone who can care for you as you deserve.
I think the comparison to driving after an accident is a good one…life has to go on .We have to pick up the peices and start again…it IS very hard tho once someone has so totally shaken your confidence. I know I dont trust my judgement any more…after being so taken in by someone…
Im lucky tho…he was my best friend NOT my partner, I think that makes a huge difference…ok he couldnt have hurt me more had he been my husband…but my point is hes NOT my husband, I have a nice husband, family and friends…I have lots of support. And cos he wasnt my partner I dont need to look for someone else…so Im spared the worry of finding another N…of course I could find an N in life but tbh Im not looking for new friends Im really quite nervous about getting close to anyone new.
I think we should call it -set free-what do you think?
Or “I’m okay - You’re Not!”?
I like that one betterOr maby see ya wouldn’t want ta be ya