An Oprah writer wants your N stories!

Narcissistic personality disorder
#41

"Sam Vaknin and his devotees to go forth and feck themselves. "

Then you'd best get started fecking, Blitzen. I have never in all my cyberlife met anyone as devoted to Sam Vaknin as yourself.

Seriously! It's a real problem, my friend. Have you ever talked to a therapist about this????

I am being quite serious now.

CZ

#42

It would REALLY show what a little sh*t Sam is in stark relief if even someone who was utterly and unreservedly devoted to him consistently condemned him as an exploitative conman for 9 years…

…and you, as a person I have never respected or trusted enough to share anything with, would have knowledge of a dirty secret like that how?

Telepathy?

Necromancy?

Tea leaves?

GD

#43

"and you, as a person I have never respected or trusted enough to share anything with, (OUCH!) would have knowledge of a dirty secret like that how? "

Just observation on this forum, Blitzen. Just observation.

I have never engaged with you on a message board. Wait, let me rephrase that more accurately so as not to mislead anyone:

I have never knowingly engaged with you on any message board other than CarePlace. Now...that's not to say you weren't posting to me under an alias, but how could I know that? I usually trust people to be who they say they are. Until proven otherwise, that is.

CZ

 

 

 

 

#44

And just WHY would I create a fake identity to “confide” my devotion to Sam Vaknin to someone I have never had a shred of respect or trust for like you?

Doesn’t that sound just a tiny bit unlikely?

Not to mention pointless?

Be that as it may, my undying devotion notwithstanding, Sam Vaknin is a convicted felon, with no qualifications distorting the definition of a personality disorder in order to exploit vulnerable people for gain…

…and you have made it rather obvious tonight that you are happy to knowingly give him every assistance with that.

GD

#45

Blitzen, do you ever sleep??

Gee Whiz woman!

CZ

#46

why thank you Sam :slight_smile:

now, I was serious, who is your hero and why?

and I’m not just asking Sam, I’m asking anyone who cares to reply.

One of my heroes is Gandhi, because he was able to have huge, productive impact without resorting to violence, but instead using his brain in nonviolent convincing ways to mobilize an army of peaceful warriors to create change.

#47

I was satisfied to get B’s message about Sam when it first popped up. I’m not a dumb bunny, I dont need to hear it 763 times. That kind of obsessional point-making neutralized the original message. Its hard to trust someone who is obsessed, because then the mode of delivery becomes whats important. On top of that all the venomous personal attacks, melodramatic projection on so many of us erased any way to take her seriously.

I came here because the other weboards were the wrong place for me with their trigger happy delete and ban fingers. I came here not being a big fan of Sam, and became an even smaller one as I found him here delivering just as venomous personal attacks as B. His message started to get neutralized too with that kind of behaviour. It certainly was NOT what I expected from the same guy who wrote the book I read.

It seemed like I had found the perfect forum for discussing my recovery. There was room here for MANY different perspectives and beliefs about what they experienced and how they recover. Thats what I wanted, diversity.

I have to say as little respect as I have for the “other” weboard owner and her managers, and their way of silencing anything that doesnt fit into the prescribed dogma…this has been worse.

B is far worse than FF.

The problem is both women really do believe they are offering something valuable, and that makes them self-righteous. They think they really are protecting people from harm (thats not words put in their mouths, they both post it , often). They have NO clear idea they are doing more harm to people who come here because theyve been harmed.

It saddens me because I believe them when they say theyve suffered terrible abuse. I just dont accept that then they have somehow turned things around so they can, with a clear conscience, beat other survivors of abuse about the head with a blunt object.

They dont get it.

After last night, I still dont believe B gets it.

Its the one thing that doesnt seem to be able to penetrate either of their brains.

And no matter how many voices stand up against B to say “youre a bully and youre making things worse for survivors” or " I didnt come here for this BS, I came here for support" or “I cant stand this, I’m leaving, I had enough abuse and drama in my ex relationship” or the hundreds who are members here who just stop posting…she will ONLY hear those voices as “sockpuppets”.

(oy enough with the handmaiden sockpuppet chorus…gawd)

It seems the ONLY thing we can talk about here according to B, is what SHE wants us to spout, her anti-Sam hatred. Yeah – that is EXACTLY what I wanted to do on a CAREPLACE forum??? Anything else makes us in her paranoid eyes, an enemy in disguise.

The problem is, the staff at O really should look more closely into Sam’s credibility before they interview him or publicize his writings. But will they hear anything of B’s message when its so obviously…jeez, how do I put this delicately…IMPOSSIBLE to take seriously???

shes done us a disservice

and she’ll never see it that way

sad eh?

#48

I also wanted to add,

I’ve been telling my story to my therapist and my closest friends over the last few months. Not all at once. There were MANY secrets I had to share that would not come easily. I had to share them in stages because they were blanketed in so much shame. Things he did to me, strangers, family members, animals, that in my telling I wondered what on earth was wrong with me that I not only stayed with this man, but how is it I LOVED him so intensely? There were secrets I was ashamed to tell about myself, the ugly thigns I said and did as I got to that point where the confusion and pain and LOVE were all so intensely mixing in me at once that I lost grip on my own dignity.

And then the lightbulb went on and I realized the crime he committed that I hadnt realized 4 years ago.

The reason I’m telling you this is this:

I KNOW I had those experiences. I KNOW he did those things. I know I did those things. I believe he did something despicable and criminal to me one day and I didnt realize it. But despite KNOWING…in the TELLING of the parts of the tale, I can HEAR how it sounds so incredible, especially for someone like me (and probably you too, I think I share this experience with many of you) who is educated, makes a contribution to society, pays her bills, loves her family, is in every other way a normal person in society who has most of her act together and lives a good life…someone like ME has this unbelievable story to tell…it sounds from the outside like its not possible.

And so…

its become incredibly important to me right now that I’m believed, by my therapist, my friends, MYSELF. This DID happen to me!!!

I can imagine B feeling something similar, she needs to have what she says believed, and any of us who dont are played like a fish on a line (as she said to me) until she summarily dismisses us.

There isnt anyone right now who can convince me what I know happened to me didnt happen. I suspect there isnt anyone of us who can convince B that she is doing harm to herself, this place and us.

She will only accept agreement.

I dont know, what if anything there is to do about it.

#49

Hi, everyone,

Victims of domestic violence (battering), spousal abuse, emotional, verbal,
psychological, and financial abuse - hope you find these new tip sheets
useful:

What is Abuse?

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse.html

I. The Gradations of Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse1.html

II. The Guilt of the Abused - Pathologizing the Victim

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse2.html

III. Coping with Your Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse3.html

IV. The Abuser in Denial

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse4.html

V. Avoiding Your Abuser - The Submissive Posture

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse5.html

VI. Avoiding Your Abuser - The Conflictive Posture

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse6.html

VII. The Tocsins of Abuse - How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse7.html

VIII. The Tocsins of Abuse - The Abuser’s Body Language

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse8.html

IX. The Path to Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse9.html

X. Ambient Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse10.html

XI. Abuse by Proxy

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse11.html

XII. Leveraging the Children

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse12.html

XIII. Tell Your Children the Truth

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse13.html

XIV. The Relief of Being Abandoned

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse14.html

XV. How to Cope with Your Paranoid Ex

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse15.html

XVI. Avoiding Your Paranoid Ex

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse16.html

XVII. The Three Forms of Closure

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse17.html

XVIII. Coping with Stalking and Stalkers

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse18.html

XIX. Getting Help

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse19.html

XX. Domestic Violence Shelters

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse20.html

XXI. Planning and Executing Your Getaway

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21.html

XXIa. Should You Get the Police Involved?

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

XXIb. Should You Get the Courts Involved?

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

Danse Macabre - The Dynamics of Intimate Partner Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

II. The Mind of the Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily2.html

III. Condoning Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily3.html

IV. The Anomaly of Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily4.html

V. Reconditioning the Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

VI. Reforming the Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

VII. Contracting with Your Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily7.html

VIII. Your Abuser in Therapy

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

IX. Testing the Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily9.html

X. Conning the System

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

XI. Befriending the System

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

XII. Working with Professionals

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

XIII. Interacting with Your Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

XIV. Coping with Your Stalker

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

XV. Statistics of Abuse and Stalking

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily15.html

XVI. The Stalker as Antisocial Bully

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

XVII. Coping with Various Types of Stalkers

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

XVIII. The Erotomanic Stalker

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

XIX. The Narcissistic Stalker

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

XX. The Psychopathic (Antisocial) Stalker

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

XXI. How Victims are Affected by Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html

XXII. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html

XXIII. Recovery and Healing from Trauma and Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html

XXIV. The Conflicts of Therapy

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily24.html

Take care,

Sam Vaknin
Author of “Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited”

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/thebook.html

----- Original Message -----
From: “smileagain” npd-cpt6626@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2007 7:27 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] An Oprah writer wants your N stories!

#50

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders29.html

The Obsessive-Compulsive

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders55.html

----- Original Message -----
From: “CZBZ” npd-cpt6626@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2007 7:54 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] An Oprah writer wants your N stories!

#51

Oprah has not interest in your story, Wahela. She is interested in MY
story - as are numerous other international media.

(laughing)

YOU would not let Oprah have YOUR story. Give me a break. Why would you
would merit her attention anyhow?

Is this grandiose narcissism on your part or what?

----- Original Message -----
From: “wahela” npd-cpt6626@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2007 7:33 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] An Oprah writer wants your N stories!

#52

You are a nobody with a nobody's story to tell. You are a non-entity.

An N saying one is a nonentity.  Is that like, a compliment?  I don't mind being a nonentity to someone such as yourself.   I find it humorous. 

You are showing signs of a crack, Sam.  (smiles)

wahela

 

#53

Phoenix:

The problem is, the staff at O really should look more closely into Sam’s
credibility before they interview him or publicize his writings.

Sam:

Why?

I am being interviewed as a narcissist. What does it have to do with my
"credibility"?

regarding my writings:

They are SUMMARIES of scholarly works.

You want to reinvent the wheel and wade through the same sea of material as
I did - be my guest. Stupidity is still not a crime.

#54

SAM :

whooaaa…mind them horses Alfie.

slow down

by the way, can you shed any light on the topic of Shreddies? Is that some kind of Irish slang for something? Also B told me privately that you said something to her about me, care to share?

Its all been very entertaining

oh, and you can add me to the list of people who have said publicly that your book helped me, and in the end I’m not a big fan.

But then I think therer are great messages for humanity in The Bible, but I’m no big fan of organized religion either…except that they were invaluable patrons of the arts way back when.

#55

Who is this message addressed to?

I repeat my request:

Please IDENTIFY who you are writing to.

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “thephoenix101” npd-cpt6626@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2007 3:34 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] An Oprah writer wants your N stories!

#56

Oh here we go again, I didnt attack you Sam, so theres no need for you to attack me.

I didnt EVER call you stupid, so theres no need to say that about me.

I think the staff at O should check into your credibility as they should do with all their guests, dont you?

And why didnt you say in the first place theyre interviewing you solely as a N? that changes everything. It seemed as though you were being interviewed as an expert, but that was a combination of my assumption (and we know what happens when one assumes) and your mode of delivery.

And if you recall, I do believe I said recently, if you get more exposure and make more money all the power to ya, go forth and be more materially successful, become more famous (or infamous). We should all find our bliss, even you.

Now thats different from anything a pro-Sam cheerleader or an anti-Sam detractor has said to you on this thread so far right?

I’m neutral, or should I say balanced in my perspective about you.

I only hate one person, and its not you.

No need to feel I’m against you. I can hold my thankfulness and my distaste in the same space.

#57

Who is this message addressed to?I repeat my request:Please IDENTIFY who you are writing to.Sam----- Original Message ----- From: "thephoenix101" To: Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2007 3:34 PMSubject: Re: [npd] An Oprah writer wants your N stories!

 

I've posted a good number of times to this thread, which post exactly are you refering to Sam?

 

And since youre the only person who's posted a handful of times since I did this morning, its asafe bet the colloquialism about Alfie, would be refering to you.

 

You blasted 2 threads with so many responses it was starting to look like the horse had burst out of the gate with a whole lot of  force. 

 

The Shreddies comment was refering to something B said about some member here who was histrionic and interested in global domination (who might that be?) wanting to "get into your Shreddies" (??)

 

I have no idea what that means, but a runaway train certainly seemed to get derailed at some point, it was hard to understand a number of nonsensical things last night.

 

#58

Phoenix, I saw in your posts that you wanted your therapist to believe your accounts of what happened in your relationship.

#59

Yes Susiejo, exactly.

Just like any survivor of abuse is scared to tell, because she may not be believed, and so being believed becomes very important.

Belief is about the teller feeling the listener has confidence in what theyre hearing. Its also a predictable issue for someone whose abuser has twisted their experience, complaints, expectations, thoughts, feelings so much the survivor doubts their own common sense (see my "what did you have to give up" thread for more on that).

The word confirm implies I would have needed someone to establish or validate what I was saying about myself which is not true. It couldnt be validated or established, its a he said/she said problem right?

I wouldnt dare go to my ex's father, say, and tell my story and hope he believed me.

I wouldnt dare ask my confidantes or my therapist to establish the validity of my recounting.

But as part of the recovery, especially in the telling of shameful secrets... the therapeutic value in being believed cannot be underestimated.

Perhaps that will clear up the confusion.

#60

Well, if you get the chance to be on Oprah, telling YOUR story, I sure hope you are nicer to her than you are ordinarily.

My story is just one in millions because of people like YOU.

So happy that I am away from any N for over 4 1/2 years.

wahela