I have been with a man for 9 years, the first 2 years were unforgetable, after that the abuse started, the lies, cheating, never kept his word about anything, very badly influenced by his mother that at 50 years old still lives with her, and she won’t let go of him. she is the most manipulater person I have ever met, and he is just like her. he keeps saying that he loves me and can’t live without me and don’t do anything to move forward.
I would like to know if there is any hope for us, because i do love him very much and i feel like if i leave him he 'll be alone. and he breaks my heart when i see him sad. he is depressed all the time and always don’t feel good. we live like his mother an 80 years life. if there is no hope i want someone to help to get out of this relationship. i have 2 kids that loves me and a family that will support me and they wanted me to leave long time ago.
My mother is a narcissist. We are having to deal with her care. She is 90 and has recently lost her narcissistic supply (my sister).
suffer from this my whole life-now finally getting some relief
Dating someone I think has a NPD…
My father is a Narcissist. I have thousands of stories from my childhood… We just figured out in the past two years that My Dad is a Narcissist. At every venture in my life he has tried to steal the show. Two quick stories: he made my wedding two years ago the worst time of my life… He told my now husband out to lunch right before the wedding and verbally abused him… It got so bad that I totally broke down right before the wedding- I just couldn’t “play his game” and pretend everything was okay. So I walked down the asile of the church by myself! …Skip ahead to early this year- I got pregant last June and my Dad never acknowledged I was pregnant. I came up for a baby shower (near my parents home) and my Dad said he was going to come to the shower and hit me… He didn’t come, but once again he stole the show and made my happy day a day about himself. My husband and I have come to the conclusion that he will never see our son, his Grandson. My Dad hurts, uses and abuses anyone that gets close to him. He only sees people as things to be used so he can get his way. And he ALWAYS gets his way. ~Karen~
I have been married to a pathological narcissist for 19 years. He was a very attractive lawyer, but as he gets older his supply becomes harder to achieve. Consequently, he gets meaner and more difficult to live with.
I am currently involved with someone who is a Narcissist survivor and looking for more information to help her move forward.
I believe my stepdaughter may have this disorder. We are currently in family therapy (she, my husband, me), but our therapist is out of town, and we are encountering a crisis. I’m trying to figure out as much as I can about setting boundaries and understanding how to interact with someone who has this disorder.
Trying to extricate myself from a relationship with a (suspected) narcissist. Looking for advice…
I would like to learn ways that have worked with others in child visitation and other drama that takes place when the children are with the ex spouse. Thanks
I now believe that my husband, from whom I have parted, is a narcissist. He lacks empathy, has gradiose ideas, and no idea of the effect of his bizarre illogic on those around him. He is angry, defensive, violent and cruel, and then forgets all about it or denies any of it happened. He is unemployed, and has hardly ever supported the family in any realistic way, leaving me as sole breadwinner. In the end I decided to go it alone after he became unable to look after our youngest child properly, he was always angry and sometimes violent. I wish I have not waited this long, but would be interested in hearing from other women married to narcissists to see if this is what the problem is.
Hi Im here cos Im trying to understand whats happened to me and rebuild myself and my confidence after my relationship with my ‘best’ friend who is possibly a narcissist…
I joined because I am trying so hard to break free from my N boyfriend. It is seemingly impossible at this point. My friends are fed up with the entire situation and just telling me that he is using me and I feel very alone and isolated at this point.
I’m a survivor of an emotionally destructive relationship with a N/AS. I’ve been through the grief and am now in the hatred part of the process but I dont let that bleed into how I view others, and I’m happy to be in a forum that holds a space for more than just demonizing, objectifying, dismissing and abandoning those with whom we’ve suffered. I’m angry today, but I’m confident a warm caring open heart lies in my path again in the future. Mutual respect is what I offer, and what I expect in all our recovery paths.
good luck on yours 
I was married to a man for twenty-three years who has pathological narcissistic personality disorder. All of your stories mirror mine. Not knowing why I was treated the way I was, was very difficult for me, it kept me wondering if I had some serious issues. He constantly accused me of being "sick." From childhood on, I was given crumbs. I gobbled them up like a starving chicken, so those moments of kindness from my husband were magnified. But, as the years passed, my outbursts of anger grew more to quiet desperation. The trauma of this marriage ate away at me from the inside out; while I was overcompensating, trying to keep it together, my body was telling me otherwise; lichenplanus disease, migraines, TMJ, exema, anxiety, fears, fibromyalgia, and .....it was horrific. When I would have a migraine, my husband would open the bedroom door and say, "Do you want me to call an ambulence?" In such a condescending way. One time he had a movie camera and took pictures of the medicine cabinet after my frantic search for my medication. He would never come in and help me in any way. He punished me for having migraines, and made fun of me in front of his family. They all thought it was a joke. I began to think that the family was odd. His body language, his EYES, those eyes; he didn't have to say a word, and he KNEW it. He could change my mood in an instant. It went on for years, AND I stayed. During my therapy, I was so upset with myself for staying. She told me not to beat myself up. It was devastating to KNOW that my entire marriage was a lie, he never loved me, and I put up with all the abuse, and suddenly I could easily be replaced without a twitch or twitter; not only I could be replaced, but my sons could be replaced as well. Yes, he has some kind of a relationship with my sons, but he calls his new wife's children his family. It is so insane. Twenty-three years of living together, raising a family (mostly by me), and putting up with the bull - - - -. and someone else comes along, wealthier than him, and they tie the knot. They bought each other Porsches for their wedding gifts. G A G! He has to have the biggest and best narcissistic supply, as what drives him is his money and job. I became a liability. Now they can talk business, at the moment, he doesn't have to look at her and tell her "I'm a headline's guy and I don't like details," like he did me, everytime I would talk with him or tell him a cute story about one of my students. His new wife is in the same line of work; I am a teacher. I believe he even hated me for that. They say that narcissists look at you like a cartoon character. For years, if I was at a party and had a few drinks, he would look at me and say, "You look like Ruth Buzzie." I do not look like Ruth Buzzie at all, but I swear he really thought it. With no disrespect to Ruth Buzzie, in his mind he was thinking of her character on Laugh In.
It does get better. I changed careers. I was not looking, as I was married. But this man entered my life. He changed the direction I was going in just by being nice to me and to others. It wasn't an affair. It was a break-through. His kindness and genuine persona helped me peel away the layers, and when I did, I was raw; the truth was revealed. My therapist told me that it would take one to two years to see things clearly, but it took three, and what I saw I did not like. The break-up was devastating and destructive. But today, I have picked up the pieces, done a lot of work on myself, and each and every day I am stronger than the day before. I am not the same woman I was. I am someone new, someone stronger, more in tune, and much more aware of those wolves in people's clothing.
I’M NEW TO THIS. I HAVE NOT BEEN IN THERAPY SINSE I CANNOT AFFORD IT SO I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT HELP. MY FATHER WAS A NARCISSIST WHO IS NOW DECEASED. MY EX-HUSBAND IS ONE AND MY CURRENT FIANCEE WHOM I LIVE WITH IS A NARCISSIST. I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HIM, BUT I DON’T HAVE THE BALLS YET. PLUS I AM ATTACHED TO HIS KIDS AND THIS WOULD DEEPLY AFFECT THEM. THEY ARE ALREADY IN COUNSELING. I’M NOT SURE WHAT I AM SUPPOSSED TO DO?
I’M NEW TO THIS. I HAVE NOT BEEN IN THERAPY SINSE I CANNOT AFFORD IT SO I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT HELP. MY FATHER WAS A NARCISSIST WHO IS NOW DECEASED. MY EX-HUSBAND IS ONE AND MY CURRENT FIANCEE WHOM I LIVE WITH IS A NARCISSIST. I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HIM, BUT I DON’T HAVE THE BALLS YET. PLUS I AM ATTACHED TO HIS KIDS AND THIS WOULD DEEPLY AFFECT THEM. THEY ARE ALREADY IN COUNSELING. I’M NOT SURE WHAT I AM SUPPOSSED TO DO?
Hi Teeny,
Everyone has their own take on this, and here’s mine for what it’s worth. I often find in the significant others of narcissists a similar attitude of narcissism. “They’re so selfish so you need to be selfish now” as if the 2 wrongs make a right. This is incredibly difficult in that we’re caught between the value of being a caring self-less person and the pain of being taken for granted - un-thought of and un-cared for in return. Bottom line: it sucks. But I don’t feel better being equally narcissistic. I also think that our culture is a narcissistic one. We end up comparing ourselves to others, feel we don’t measure up and thus have a low self-esteem. Because we think so little of ourselves we think little of anyone who shows that they like us - don’t they see what nothings we are. They must be idiots themselves. And we alienate those who’ve cared for us as we lobby for the caring of those who don’t care for us. We believe that if they did then maybe we’d believe that we really were of value, and our self-esteem would be lifted. And so we have narcissistic people - emotional vampires - using us to make themselves feel better until there’s nothing left to supply their self-esteem and they drop us and move on to fresh supply. I’ve not been to church in quite a few years - there were hypocritical things about it that I preferred not to be around. But at least most churches espouse certain values that help cultivate a person’s character. If people could make decisions based on certain principles then they wouldn’t base them on the winds of their insecurities. Everybody feels “less-than” sometimes. But feelings are transient. I’m not discounting feelings but I think it’s important to they come and go as they please, we can’t control them and to try and mollify them leads people to various coping mechanisms (drugs and alcohol to name just two). Feelings will be what they’ll be. We need to remember not to freak out and realize that this feeling will pass without my having to chase it away. Some of the things we do to chase them away will make us FEEL even worse, and have to medicate more (with drugs, food, sex, whatever will allow us escape). Bottom line is we’re better servants to ourselves when we base our actions on principles that we respect. I had to find heros I respected when the doctrines of my church weren’t serving me. I think many of the church’s doctrines are of great service to mankind, but I had to find a rock of principles in various heros I had. I love Ralph Nader and what he stands for. I love Shakespeare and the themes in his stories. These made me FEEL good because they illustrate principles that will make us feel better and those that will make us feel worse. This is a crazy day to be living in. Marriage vows have become lip service. Oprah does much good AND much bad. It isn’t easy, but it’s easier if we have our own set of principles to guide us.
You would not respect yourself for abandoning these kids just to serve your narcissistic self. But living in today’s vernacular you say you “don’t have the balls” to leave. Maybe it’s not a lack of balls, but an abundance of character that keeps you in this often painful situation. There are no simple answers. Look how long this reply is. The simple answer would be “dump him.” It’s easy, it’s clean. And yet it isn’t easy for some reason - we assume it’s our own lack of balls. It would take more courage to work out this thing that you’ve put so much time into, but you can’t do it on your own. So read some books. I recommend Weiner-Davis, Michelle. Some people like Harville Hendrix theories. Or Diane Medved’s “the case against divorce.” These can be found at a local library. I think it’s worth reading about before distilling your problem down to a lack of courage.
Good luck. I sympathize with your dilemma. But we’re all friends even if we don’t know each other.
I’m relatively new to this site as well and it would take writing a book to describe all of the circumstances leading up to why I need to be here…I have been reading a lot on the site and have noticed a great deal of discord which is upsetting…Some members who post in a group of which I’m not a member have expressed things like how this is not a place to heal, with an unbelievable amount of sparring and finger-pointing which is beyond upsetting…although I found one of Blitzen’s posts to be hopeful and inspiring~regarding a smear campaign/gaslighting attack to which she was subjected and yet somehow managed to forgive the perpeptrators and those who bought into the lies…to carry on to this day in somehow restoring her perhaps damaged/destroyed reputation, to get through it and still be strong~I would post directly in the thread to which I’m referring, but it’s an invitation-only group so that’s out of the question…Just wondering how one goes about with such grace and forgiveness, strength and determination in the face of such lies and cruelty…This I need to learn…
Hi,
These may be of help - click on the links:
The Narcissist’s Victims
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq38.html
Victim Reactions to Abuse by Narcissists and Psychopaths
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders70.html
Mourning the Narcissist
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq68.html
The Three Forms of Closure
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse17.html
Back to La-la Land
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal78.html
The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq6.html
Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid
of Him?
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/5.html
Traumas as Social Interactions
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/trauma.html
How Victims are Affected by Abuse
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html
How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html
How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html
Rescue Fantasies - Surviving the Narcissist
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq80.html
The Malignant Optimism of the Abused
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal27.html
The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive
Narcissists
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq66.html
Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html
The Dependent Patient - A Case Study
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html
Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily.html
The Cult of the Narcissist
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal79.html
Narcissists and Personality disordered Mates, Spouses, and Partners
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5013
Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5002
Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5000
Guilt? What guilt?
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4931
Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4920
The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4959
I miss him so much - I want him back!
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4934
Take care.
Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: “ooomaa” npd-cpt2304@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Sunday, December 30, 2007 8:42 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] Narcissistic Personality Disorder Member Introductions
I am a new member and a sufferer of this disorder. I’m hoping to come here for help and to make some attempt at healing.
margaret