SAM'S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders

Narcissistic personality disorder
#43

Trisha,

You know I have always signed my public posts “GD”…Sam is the only person who ever gave my name out…

Equally, as a qualified therapist, you know that using a familiar form of address without leave is deliberately crossing a boundary…particularly in an hostile situation…I suppose you call it “dissing” a person.

GD

Edited for typos

#44

Trisha,

You are only using Mariel Lee as a pawn to get conflict going again. What’s the payoff to you?

#45

Blitzen,

Are you a therapist?

#46

Well if it is not Mamolie playing expert on sarcasm in others but not her own. If you are tired of the anger and sarcasm on the board, than why do you feed it onto the board and support others who set such conflicts up?

If you want empathy, than give it back. As far as your husband thinking nothing is wrong with him, seems to be a problem with both of us.

#47

Yes I recall very clearly my N/P ex was always very caught up in the idea that any time I wanted the playing field equal in any way, he considered it “tit for tat”. In other words, my only intention could be hurting him. It never occured to him things would be better for everyone, if things were “fair and equal”.

I had thought you used your real name publicly. I did my research, found out I made a mistake, and offered to correct it in good faith.

It would appear conflict and one-upmanship is more important than resolution.

Frankly, I just dont have any desire to fight. I’m sick right now. I have other more pressing issues.

This all seems immature, nasty and familiar, and I’m not sure if you noticed…I’m not engaging in any of that.

#48

PrimaDonna–

I thank you for everything you said and appreciate it. There is no need to let anyone on this forum or any other forum make you feel tense, angry, or upset. If Blitzen is a therapist I am very surprized, as this is not the way a therapist conducts business. I don’t quite get what she is talking about with Sam plaigerizing her work? And for that matter, what does it have to do with us trying to heal from the wounds of a narcissist? As I see it, the information Sam gives us is helpful, but the things that Blitzen says are antagonistic. With all due respect here, I do believe that Blitzen is another narcissist trying to say that she is not like what Sam portrays all to be, yet her actions speak differently. If indeed she is a narcissist, it would be helpful to get her honest (inside her head) feelings of what she is really thinking/feeling, and then we can all compare notes, and maybe see if any of what she says applies to us.

I also have noted that every time Blitzen is on (no matter the time, in this case after 1 am) SusieJo will follow. Don’t you find that interesting?

Blitzen,

While it’s obvious that you are intelligent, and I respect intelligence, it does not mean that you have all the answers. I don’t ever presume that my situation is the same as all the others, although they do have a connection. I also don’t presume to have all the answers. I find this forum helpful for the most part because people here have very similar scenarios, as well as the same reactions as I. The process is not unique, nor is the behaviors of our significant other (on this forum).

Mariel,

I have a slight problem with you saying that what Sam says relates to your situation when you don’t seem to have a clue what he actually said…and I have a bigger problem with you deciding that if what Sam said did relate to your situation it would mean he was totally right in a more general sense.

In this instance, what I have against Sam is that he plagiarized half of what he is saying from me, and then made up the rest as he went along, and got it very wrong…now how in the world would I be enthusiastic about that?

GD

G.D./Blitzen,

In response to this, I not only have a clue–I lived each and every word of what he has said, he just gave it a name. My ex could be the poster child for N behavior. And your bigger problem has nothing to do with you and me. It has to do with your own inability to accept. Either you were never with a narcissist, or you are one and you can not accept that this is you. I don’t have to say he is right in a general sense–each and everyone of us on this forum can read and relate and they too have experienced the same as I, and thank Sam for the insight he has given us, I do wish I could say the same for your words of wisdom.

Mariel Lee

#49

Mariel Lee,

It would be so nice if we had a labratory where we could divide all our ex’s into N and non-N groups. I have the luxury of being able to do that. I read SV’s book, or any of the others that I’ve now dipped into, regarding N’s or P’s and kept saying to myself “yes, yes, thats him, thats my ex”…and very clearly none of those things resemble my exhusband (My child’s father) at all and I was with him 17 yrs before we finally split. Equally true, my brother, whom I am unhappy with, does not resemble anything SV or the other authors describe.

Hell, even my self-centred father wasnt a N when he was alive. He had plenty of empathy and respect for my mother…and me. And his commitment and desire to have everyone “on the team” succeed, be happy and healthy was palpable my entire life.

This may be true for you too.

I agree, we dont need anyone else’s validation or NPD seal of approval stamped on our ex’s foreheads (although that could be helpful for any of their future partners).

We know what we know.

#50

Mariel Lee: Blitzen is here to make us stronger and make us stronger
to combat tyranny in our lives.

On Dec 15, 2007, at 9:40 AM, mariel lee wrote:

#51

…and then blythely turning around and accusing me of doing to them what they, in fact, have just done to me…

It’s skillful, calculated abusive manipulation…

…and then they expect me to believe they are somebody’s victim?

No way…

You get a ditto from me Blitxen.

Yea they are sublimely insensitive, unempathetic, malicious, insulting, manipulative, and when you blow your nose back at them, they cry like little babies that they are being victimized, and then expect us to believe that something different than that very same dynamic occurred in their relationships.

#52

What makes it worse is that people see that and start to wonder if that is all real victims are doing too.

It’s like a world turned upside down. Where downright nastiness is portrayed as “injured innocence”.

That is the problem with playing the game - roles of abuser/victim/savior flip around constantly. It is my favorite of Eric Berne’s. This is why no one wants to discuss Narcissistic Personality Disorder on this board. They want to play the game and be able to reap pity with no personal responsibility.

#53

Gaye Dalton is a completely and certifiably insane narcissistic psychopath.

She has been stalking me (and many other owners and moderators) of online
support forums since 1998!

She knows next to nothing about any of the topics she discusses. Her claims
of “expertise” rely on her relentless online bullying.

Ignore her and she goes away. Respond to her and you stoke her insanity.

And, yes, you guessed right:

She uses numerous accounts and aliases to create the impression that she has
"supporters" and “fans” and that she is not a total whacko.

She has been using the alias susiejo since 1998 as well as Cricket’s
Courage, theresa, mechanima, Zeraeph, and a zillion other nicknames and
handles.

As mad as a hatter.

Sam

----- Original Message -----
From: “bup” npd-cpt7103@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Saturday, December 15, 2007 4:04 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] SAM’S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders

#54

Blitzen's reasons for being here are only hers to know and 'learn from.' It appears to me however, that she is here to get attention from Sam no matter who she has to silence in the process.

I've never found antagonism to be conducive to gaining strength. Our energy is redirected from ourselves towards building defenses against criticism and insult. Walking on eggshells never makes a girl stronger...it's triggering and therefore, counterproductive to learning/healing.

However, we can make the choice to ignore posts that are upsetting...but that's like walking in a land mine and pretending we're strolling through poppy fields.

CZ 

 

#55

This is simple, I will give some room for doubt, just about everyone on this site is more qualified to label their partner NPD, than you two, since ,you two, have not lived our lives. I know what I experienced, you two, do not, and that goes for everyone else on here, you did not experience their lives.I am qualified to say my partner has this disorder, I have lived it, you two have not. Nothing about life is normal, living with an NPD partner, you can not compare life with one to the norm ever. The mindgames and mental torture, lack of empathy drives semi normal people almost insane. You have to experience a hell of a lot of pain and suffering and be on the brink of insanity to look for some answers for the madness.

I was not looking for this answer, I wanted somthing hopeful, this is hopeless. I am not just useing a label because I need to make myself feel better or I am mad at his or my short commings. I have lived through hell. You can not think clearly when you are living in it.This is a real and a pretty horrific personality disorder you can not have a loving relationship with them, it is impossible. If I had the need to serve the rest of my life and get nothing in return, then yes you could, but I am not as sick as him.

You say "JUST" abuse, ya, I thought that for years too, he just "needed sensitivity training," give me a break, it is so much more than that. The core of this disorder," NO" empathy,not an ounce, the most vital component of being and relating to other humans, the ability to connect to others, to recognize others feelings, to understand how their behavior impacts the people around them, the lack of insite, accountability, how we learn from our mistakes,all vital to intimate relationships.

You two thow out information like we are all stupid, like everyone was programed with everything there is to know about abuse and NPD, and we brought it on ourselves. You dispute and question everyones experience, then you put up the list for NPD or psychopath for us and sure enough, there are our partners, confimed by you, but you still tell us we are wrong about our lives.

Blitzen You have a problem with Sam take it up with him, we don't know who is lieing, who stole from who, frankly we don't care, what he has written has changed our lives for the better. It applys to our realty, our relationship and makes sense of the insanity we lived. Write your own book if you know so much. Go on the road and teach young girls and boys about abuse and personality disorders where it would be most helpful, not beat the people up who were not privy to the information you two have. Education is the key to protecting everyone from abusive relationships, and from trying to live with a disordered mind, some people can not be fixed or cured, that is hard for most humans to grasp. It is a reality that most of us did not know till we were nearly driven to the brink of insanity.

 So mariel, you are right, your husband can not love anyone in the true sense of the word, not you or his new partner, it is about supply and objects, nothing normal or human applys.You can not compare normal feelings and relationships to a disordered partner.

Now, maybe you two, can tell us what to do with these disordered people who prey on the loving caring people on the planet, what do we do with them? We the stupid ,that caught on too late or just in time, know we have to leave if we want to survive or live a semi normal life, but what about the their next victim, they can manipulate and fool anyone, so what do you with them and the "JUST" abusers. Don't you think that is the problem, not the survivors of a relationship with one of them.

Tell us what to do with people like this? THEY are a serious problem, THEY are destroying the lives of men, women and children every day, There would be no victims if we solved the problem!!!!!Please research, copy and paste all that information for us. Please forward it to every mental health professional, every DMV center, family courts, and lawyers everywhere, so all the victims will have a voice, better treatment and outcomes in custody cases. When there are children involved with these sick people, the torture does not end when you leave. What's the answer?

                          Hugs mamolie

#56

This all seems immature, nasty and familiar, and I’m not sure if you noticed…I’m not engaging in any of that.

Trisha,

You are the person being “immature, nasty and familiar”…by trying to twist everything and provoke conflict, and by using my given name without leave to deliberately cross my boundaries. I am quite sure you have behaved the same way bin all your relationships too and been pulled on it from time to time.

Mariel,

You diagnosed your own ex as a “Narcissist” (a concept that does not actually exist in medical terms) simply from reading Sam’s book (which you seem to interpret subjectively rather than understand anyway) and things associated with it, and then you claim that means Sam know what a Narcissist is.

If Sam described the place where I lived and called it “China” it would not mean either that I am Chinese, or that he can define China. It would just mean he was deluded or lying, or both.

Incidentally, he only took half the statement he placed at the beginning of this thread from me, not half his “work” (though he did whip a few other bits from me over time).

I don’t like any quack like Sam conning people because it is wrong and harms people, particularly when they distort real conditions to do it. Just because you need a personal, self centered, reason to care if something is wrong, doesn’t mean I do.

GD

#57

Tell us what to do with people like this? THEY are a serious problem, THEY
are destroying the lives of men, women and children every day, There would
be no victims if we solved the problem!!!Please research, copy and paste
all that information for us. Please forward it to every mental health
professional, every DMV center, family courts, and lawyers everywhere, so
all the victims will have a voice, better treatment and outcomes in custody
cases. When there are children involved with these sick people, the torture
does not end when you leave. What’s the answer?

                      Hugs mamolie

Sam:

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal56.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal68.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

Divorcing the Narcissist, Psychopath, Bully, or Stalker

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/5.html

Getting Help

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse19.html

Domestic Violence Shelters

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse20.html

Planning and Executing Your Getaway

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse21.html

Should You Get the Police Involved?

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse21a.html

Peace Bonds and Restraining Orders

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse21b.html

The Narcissist in Court

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq78.html

The Guilt of the Abused - Pathologizing the Victim

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse2.html

Conning the System

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abusefamily10.html

Befriending the System

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abusefamily11.html

Working with Professionals

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abusefamily12.html

Interacting with Your Abuser

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abusefamily13.html

What to Expect

The Vindictive Narcissist

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq75.html

The Three Forms of Closure

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse17.html

Victims of domestic violence (battering), spousal abuse, emotional, verbal,
psychological, and financial abuse - hope you find these new tip sheets
useful:

What is Abuse?

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse.html

I. The Gradations of Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse1.html

II. The Guilt of the Abused - Pathologizing the Victim

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse2.html

III. Coping with Your Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse3.html

IV. The Abuser in Denial

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse4.html

V. Avoiding Your Abuser - The Submissive Posture

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse5.html

VI. Avoiding Your Abuser - The Conflictive Posture

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse6.html

VII. The Tocsins of Abuse - How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse7.html

VIII. The Tocsins of Abuse - The Abuser’s Body Language

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse8.html

IX. The Path to Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse9.html

X. Ambient Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse10.html

XI. Abuse by Proxy

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse11.html

XII. Leveraging the Children

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse12.html

XIII. Tell Your Children the Truth

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse13.html

XIV. The Relief of Being Abandoned

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse14.html

XV. How to Cope with Your Paranoid Ex

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse15.html

XVI. Avoiding Your Paranoid Ex

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse16.html

XVII. The Three Forms of Closure

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse17.html

XVIII. Coping with Stalking and Stalkers

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse18.html

XIX. Getting Help

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse19.html

XX. Domestic Violence Shelters

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse20.html

XXI. Planning and Executing Your Getaway

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21.html

XXIa. Should You Get the Police Involved?

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

XXIb. Should You Get the Courts Involved?

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

Danse Macabre - The Dynamics of Intimate Partner Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

II. The Mind of the Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily2.html

III. Condoning Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily3.html

IV. The Anomaly of Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily4.html

V. Reconditioning the Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

VI. Reforming the Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

VII. Contracting with Your Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily7.html

VIII. Your Abuser in Therapy

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

IX. Testing the Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily9.html

X. Conning the System

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

XI. Befriending the System

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

XII. Working with Professionals

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

XIII. Interacting with Your Abuser

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

XIV. Coping with Your Stalker

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

XV. Statistics of Abuse and Stalking

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily15.html

XVI. The Stalker as Antisocial Bully

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

XVII. Coping with Various Types of Stalkers

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

XVIII. The Erotomanic Stalker

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

XIX. The Narcissistic Stalker

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

XX. The Psychopathic (Antisocial) Stalker

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

XXI. How Victims are Affected by Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html

XXII. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html

XXIII. Recovery and Healing from Trauma and Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html

XXIV. The Conflicts of Therapy

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily24.html

Take care,

Sam Vaknin
Author of “Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited”

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/thebook.html

#58

“mad as a hatter”

that phrase always made me giggle

whats the proper term for a hat maker?

#59

Sam,

yer cute eh?

I think Mamolie was challenging someone other than you to supply all the answers, since B-Unit insists she knows so much more than the rest of us, despite never having lived with a N.

I think, correct me if I’m wrong Mamolie, that the challenge is for GD/B/SJ/whomever to use her intellectual powers for good, not evil. To make a constructive contribution, instead of a destructive one.

A noble challenge, if there would only be an answer to the call.

:frowning:

not so nice as the season of peace and good will is on us, is it?

#60

 ARGH....I give. You get the last word, Susiejo. It's been fun but I have work to do now. Christmas is right around the corner and a whole troop of people will be showing up to celebrate the holidays with me.

By the way, there won't be any Alcoholic beverages spoiling our festivities. The most intoxicating spirit in this home will be Forgiving hearts, lots of Love and a tender, meaningful association with one another.

CZ 

#61

Sam,

Why are you still using the page you and I created (as a one and only joint effort) for you poetry in 2000:

http://web.archive.org/web/20000303140953/http://samvak.tripod.com/contents.html

to display your “Janice Dickenson Phase”:

http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissismphotos.html

It is so appallingly disrespectful to Lidija your wife to use that template that it makes me wince every time I think of it.

When you have changed it, you really must find time to explain how that behaviour, works in terms of “coping with a stalker”.

Trying to threaten, cajole and/or force me into meeting you in London to make a documentary with you at the beginning of 2006 seems a pretty curious approach too.

You know perfectly well the “Cricket’s Courage” is a totally different person to me you have used as an “enforcer” for years and also encouraged to stalk me…

You are only claiming she is me to get your own back for the fact that I was setting you up with her in my place if you had pushed the London meeting any further

GD

#62

Trisha,

There is nothing whatsoever constructive about supporting and upholding a monster in cheating people.

GD