SAM'S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders

You may be right Blitxen, I have not been able to get straight as to who was who in Trisha’s life. Could it be possible that all the criminal activity she engaged in with the second is why her child ended up with dad.

Yes Trisha, it is only logical assumption that the games you have played here with Blitxen and myself, are skillfully done because you are so well experienced in them, and were done in your prior relationships. And that dishonesty and game playing is most likely the truer basis of the failure of those relationships, not narcissistic personality disorder.

Hey Blitxen, could it be that certain ones here really want no discussion or challenge to NPD diagnosis because they know that is not applicable to their own situations but they prefer playing innocent “victim” rather than taking responsibility for their own shit.

Noeleen? Am I missing something?? Who is Noeleen? Any relation to Alateen??

Yea, I've also served as a 12-step secretary. Must be my 'cultish' tendencies.

 

Carolyn

CZBZ

CZBZ, was your ex an alcoholic or was he NPD? You obviously spent quite a bit of time in the program. There are some very big differences although I know I am crossing into dangerous terrority to suggest such on this board where it is so necessary to make everyone besides oneself an N.

I am curious how you reconcile Alanon’s position that you never tell someone to divorce or not, with the position you have taken here that that is the only solution.


Hey Blitxen, could it be that certain ones here really want no discussion or challenge to NPD diagnosis because they know that is not applicable to their own situations but they prefer playing innocent “victim” rather than taking responsibility for their own shit.


I think that is the case, and Sam plays to that…

I also think that a lot of posters here actually behave the way they claim "N"s behave (that’s not real NPD BTW, I don’t think they actually know what that is), so, to a large extent, when they accuse someone of being an “N”, it’s just a shorthand form of projecting their own behavior onto them…

It is so crystal clear that whenever they start ganging up and gaslighting it feels as though I have gone down the rabbit hole like Alice…

GD

"I am curious how you reconcile Alanon's position that you never tell someone to divorce or not, with the position you have taken here that that is the only solution. "

I don't tell anyone to divorce their spouse...but I do offer my life story as being worthy of consideration. If someone chooses to remain in the N-relatioNship, I do my best to support them. It is, after all, their life. None of us knows who can and who cannot ameliorate narcissistic tendencies.

My hope is that people realize what a huge risk they are taking. For that reason, I also keep myself educated about current research and then, I pass it on to others so they can make the best decision possible.

Carolyn

 

I'd like to say one more thing before getting to work...

I am generally very open about my reasons for participating in Alanon groups but after witnessing the way Trisha's life has been distorted, twisted and demeaned on this thread, I'm not willing to subject my 'truth' to similar attacks.

On most forums, I speak openly about substance addictions and narcissism; and about my experience detaching from family member's addictions. But I can already see where my story would go because of the hateful way Trisha's life has been abused on this thread.

This is what I meant by 'silencing' other people's voices, blitzen/susiejo.

Carolyn

I’d like to say one more thing before getting to work…

I am generally very open about my reasons for participating in Alanon groups but after witnessing the way Trisha’s life has been distorted, twisted and demeaned on this thread, I’m not willing to subject my ‘truth’ to similar attacks.

On most forums, I speak openly about substance addictions and narcissism; and about my experience detaching from family member’s addictions. But I can already see where my story would go because of the hateful way Trisha’s life has been abused on this thread.

This is what I meant by ‘silencing’ other people’s voices, blitzen/susiejo.

Carolyn

Blitzen and I are not on the True Healing Board - you have not shared there either. The antagonistic attacks started last night by Trisha, I repeatedly asked her to stop them but she persisted, grossly crossing lines in appropriate online communication. You and Mamolie read the posts and joined her this morning. Don’t give me BS about being silenced when it rather was and is a collective effort to silence Blixten and myself.

I am not going to take the time now, possibly later, to get your quotes that leaving the “N” is the only solution and what you did with your N. As you are revealing more that your husband’s problem was in fact substance abuse as opposed to NPD, you are not so honest yourself and far from in touch with current research which is saying that such behavioral problems induced by alcohol are frequently reversible. And again, the diagnosis is substance abuse/dependent, not NPD.

Alanon is the more appropriate place for you but it is obvious why you are not there as they are not supportive of issues of control, common in co-dependants.

"As you are revealing more that your husband's problem was in fact substance abuse as opposed to NPD, you are not so honest yourself and far from in touch with current research which is saying that such behavioral problems induced by alcohol are frequently reversible. And again, the diagnosis is substance abuse/dependent, not NPD."

My X's problem was not substance abuse. His problem was:

1-Grandiosity

2-A need for Admiration

3-Lack of empathy

4-Sense of superiority that was not commensurate with achievements

5-Belief in self as 'special' and unique

6-A sense of Entitlement

7-Interpersonally exploitative

8-Envious of others

9-Arrogant and Haughty 

Other than that short list of character defects, he was an awesome dude!

LOL

Carolyn

Got a phone call, Wow, more responses before I could respond to Sam's links for me. I will admit I am not in the best frame of mind and struggling so hard to get through the holidays. I just got angry and reacted to this on going counter productive abuse and questioning of the survivors. I seem to have run out off my life time supply of patience, just when I need them the most, had I known I would have been more carefull and selective.I sure need patience now. My response was more about anger and sarcasm, some people as we know, can not be helped or fixed or be inspired to help others, that requires "EMPATHY" not everyone has that gift. Thanks for confirming that susie Q and blitzon.

Gee thanks Sam for that long list,

 I am too drained to go through your links, could you tell me if one

of the solutions is: to round them all up, put them on Island with

security so they can not leave, where they can breed and live with

each other, so that no one else can be harmed by them. Is that in

there?

Do any of the links for coping and dealing call for "tattooing them", I

know all I need to know about coping and dealing, I just want to

know who they are so I don't have to cope or deal with it ever

again. Some kind of bright markings, a special hat or article of

clothing just for them so they would stand out from the ordinary

people, that would warn you to cross the street or run the other

way. Is that in any of your links ?

Well Susie Q and blitzon, thanks for your input, don't waste your time thinking about a solution and cutting and pasteing,I don't think you two would be any help anyways. I think my ideas are a possible solution and I have to think about how to get started, once I get through the holidays. Merry Christmas, My H would  thank you for all the kind compassionate work and time you put into trying to get us to have empathy for our abusers, who had none for us, but sadly, he does not know anything is wrong with him, so your work is not appreciated , but carry on if you must

                                                                Hugs mamolie

Ain’t that just the truth Susiejo,

It actually astounds me, year after year to watch people like this consistently behaving the way they purport to condemn in others…playing horrible little headgames I would honestly rather be dead than play…

…and then blythely turning around and accusing me of doing to them what they, in fact, have just done to me…

It’s skillful, calculated abusive manipulation…

…and then they expect me to believe they are somebody’s victim?

No way…

GD

CZBZ,

Your list can describe a substance abuser. If he was not that, what were you doing in Alanon and why do play both problems? What is the game Carolyn?

Would you please stop sending me emails?> To: rbuckner62@hotmail.com> From: npd-cpt7103@lists.careplace.com> Subject: Re: [npd] SAM’S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders> Date: Sun, 16 Dec 2007 06:58:09 -0500> >


That is the problem with playing the game - roles of abuser/victim/savior flip around constantly. It is my favorite of Eric Berne’s. This is why no one wants to discuss Narcissistic Personality Disorder on this board. They want to play the game and be able to reap pity with no personal responsibility.


Do you know? I think that is all Sam has ever been doing on the net…“playing the game” but on a massive, obsessive, mega destructive level…

…and real people just keep on getting caught, and ground up, in the wheels…and these so-called victims watch and couldn’t care less because they haven’t got a sense of personal responsibility to share between them.

GD

Do you know? I think that is all Sam has ever been doing on the net…“playing the game” but on a massive, obsessive, mega destructive level…

…and real people just keep on getting caught, and ground up, in the wheels…and these so-called victims watch and couldn’t care less because they haven’t got a sense of personal responsibility to share between them.

Yea their next stage after they realize they got victimized again by Sam, is to build up a website to save others.

and so the humour continues…

very interesting.

I’m not going to stoop so low as to defend myself against what you know yourself are ungrounded, unfounded and projection-based accusations about my love life, my custody agreement, my relationship with my exhusband, my son, my ex N/P, whether I engaged in criminal activity (chuckling, well yes, I have been known to speed but I gave that up on my 44th birthday) or any other preposterous claim.

I will offer to anyone who comes in late and wonders if any of it is true, or just what the truth is to ask me privately. I’d be more than willing to set the record straight away from…manic eyes.

seriously…Mamolie…Mariel Lee…any others, if you want the straight scoop I’ve got nothing left to hide.

Blitzen…how are your CHristmas plans coming? Have you done all your shopping yet? baking? do you do any crafts? decorating? I think my son and I are putting up our tree tomorrow when he comes back from a sleepover. We got half our gift buying done this afternoon. He was a perfect gentleman-in-training, holding doors for people and shaking hands with a work colleague we ran into. I’m a very proud mama today :slight_smile:

Oh…CZ, would you be worried if I told you I strolled very slowly by a most dark and sexy gorgeous specimen who resembled my ex N/P in the meat department, and had this terrible urge to squeeze his left butt cheek. I exercised due self-restraint, but it wasnt easy. I had to laugh, sometimes I’m so silly.

Good cheer to everyone!

All the dark and sexy specimens in the meat department are either gay
or narcissists… Or worse,
happily married… I would have gone ahead and pinched
his butt. What does it matter
anymore?
On Dec 15, 2007, at 5:26 PM, PrimaDonna wrote:


Yea their next stage after they realize they got victimized again by Sam, is to build up a website to save others.


It really is a bit like the march of the self replicating cybersams, isn’t it?

GD

(laughing)

aww Bup,
do you think I’ll have to, at some point, give up on all dark sexy specimens who look like my ex N/P ???

I dont know that I’m ready to give up on them all just yet.

As it was, if he would have been married, I might have hurt another womans feelings, which would have not been OK in my book. Stroking the ego of a gay man would be plum-fine wouldnt it? but stroking the ego of a N…well…thats just…unforgiveable just yet :frowning:

I guess. I think post 40, chaos starts to ensue regardless. Looking
around at my friend’s marriages, narcissists or not. Most everyone
has some major issues… I am going to my friend Hillary’s
house tonight who is turning 41. Her husband was fucking high class
call girls in the city when he was “at
work”…Sigh…My other friend’s husband is
addicted to pain killers…Double sigh…My other
friend has been living with a married man who FINALLY proposed this
week. He got divorced last week after stringing her along for 8
years…

On Dec 15, 2007, at 5:40 PM, PrimaDonna wrote:

I'm also a big proponent of 12-step programs which is likely why telling my story and listening to other people is a natural fit.

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CZ,

the value of narrative cant be adequately measured, not now, not pre-history either. Its how we see each other, rather than seeing past or over one another. And isnt that what all healthy (and not so healthy) people want...to be seen?

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I think thats the most delightful, delicious part of intimacy in a healthy, stable and safe relationship. That we can show the whole of ourselves, not just the most beautiful and admirable parts, and that our loved one will still value and love us.

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I often wonder what attachment is like for those people who cant handle intimacy...perhaps Sam could fill in what attachment is like for a Narcissist? WYouth for a schizoid? and Gaye for an Aspie?

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Maybe we could go back to using this forum to discuss things like rational people and learn something from that rational discussion. Its so much more valuable than mudslinging?

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well...that is, if youre not a mud-loving slinger :(