SAM'S DAILY LINK Sex and Personality Disorders

Narcissistic personality disorder
#103

Bup,

I absolutely think midlife is a turbulent phase for many people, disordered or just plain ole neurotic.

I went through my own at 30 (what can I say, I’m an early bloomer).

Our only hope is we find our way back to dignity before 50, without hurting too many people along the way. I think thats the price we pay for living in a culture where we have the luxury of navel gazing, rather than spending all our available energy on hunting and gathering.

It leaves far too much space to wonder “is this all there is?”

#104

How does “an Aspie” handle intimacy…no idea, but as far as I know there is no industry standard.

How do I handle intimacy? The exact same way I handle the Ebola virus and anything else with a potential to make me extremely ill or even kill me.

I would have thought that was a no-brainer?

GD

PS. I am a Schizoid Aspie, whaddya expect? :o)

#105

How do *I* handle intimacy? The exact same way I handle the Ebola virus and anything else with a potential to make me extremely ill or even kill me.

 

That made me laugh.  You really are quite funny today, even if you dont mean to be.  What you say is consistent with what the specialist said earlier in the week.

 

So aside from a full body HASMAT suit, you just dont allow yourself any attachments to people...none at all?  I'm curious, are you thankful you are that way, or do you ever look around and wonder what youre missing?

#106

To be clear, I was speaking about" my anger" at you blixiejo, the two of you or whatever you are and" my sarcasm" was to suggest you do some good with your knowledge, because the survivors are not the problem, the abusers and NPDs are. You for some reason have it backazzwards, but carry on with your cause, guess someone has to do it.However I get triggered from time to time, so you will hear from me, I have the same right you do, and I can disagree with you, most times you are not worth my time to respond but today I had no patience for the nonsence. You definitely get the prize for personal attacks, Empathy is like the brakes on a car, Empathy will stop normal people from going to far, again, you confirm you don’t have it with your attack on PD. You do not have to defend yourself PD, do you think we would believe anything they, she, whatever, blixiejo would say, hell no. It reflects back on her and speaks volumes about her character, not yours. I am done, I am out of here for now.
Hugs to you PD
mamolie

#107

I just posted the whole of a piece which explores that part of me in the context of an, understandably, heavily fictionalised person I really knew…

If you are curious, he looked exactly like Rod Argent (I had three like him in my life, must be “my type”?) and came across so much like Daniel Day Lewis in “The Boxer” that it gets a little creepy to watch…

His reflections are partly my own, partly drawn from the man himself, and, perversely, partly drawn from a former British Intelligence operative I once lived with.

His biography is drawn from Belfast…what little I knew of the real man was quite different in specifics if not spirit.

To answer your questions:

You just dont allow yourself any attachments to people…none at all?

It is not a question of “allowing myself” - the option is not available to me. Just as the option of performing impromptu brain surgery is not available to me. You cannot “allow yourself” the impossible.

I’m curious, are you thankful you are that way, or do you ever look around and wonder what youre missing?

Am I thankful I have blue/grey eyes and not brown ones? Don’t we all look around the world and wonder what we are missing, for, surely we are all missing something? But you cannot truly miss what you can never know.

Go and met the Renegade…

GD

#108

Well I’ve never ben a Narcissist but I have had a good number of times in the last year I cursed the light and wished I could just turn my back, without a flinch and never think of him again. It would have been heavenly practical.

But I’m stuck being normally neurotic and so grief comes with the loss, and loss came with the attachment, and the attachment was the result of intimacy.

And unsuual confusion and hatred and pain came with being intimate and attached to a N/P.

The man who inspired your writing, was he also an Aspie ? if not, how did he handle a relationship with someone who doesnt have intimacy or attachment as an option?

Was it painful for him?

#109

Read the story…

It is a question and answer woven together…both are very complicated…

I have no idea whether he was an Aspie…it seems possible…and I only came to know him at all because circumstances made it even harder to avoid him entirely…his position was much as I describe it in the story, he couldn’t afford a relationship, and an achilless heel at all.

It was 18 months after the last time I saw him (when I had no choice but find words to send him away for a long time, if not for good, for his own safety, at the expense of mine, another story again), when there was no chance of ever running into him again before I could admit to myself, that if I were more normal, in a more normal world, I could have loved him for a lifetime.

I never really had another lover since…no one could match him, he set the bar too high, and after that I would not insult myself with less.

There were one or two sad, desperate men who couldn’t get anyone else, who helped keep me alive…and two others who made me feel so guilty for being the source of their affected “unrequited devotion” that they had me wrapped around their finger to an extent…

Until very recently, when I am beginning to fear that someone could have matched, and raised him under even more impossible circumstances…

It should be impossible but I suspect it really happened…especially when I read the story again for the first time in many years…to write it I edited the real man to be as close to my ideal as possible…and it stuns me how close I came…

I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I dont have much time

I have no option at all but to walk away (not only from one man, but temporarily, at least, from most of my acquaintanceship to avoid him)…if I try to do anything else I just freeze…and cannot even function in any normal way. He does not even know and I shall never tell. I have it covered already.

So I shall spend this Christmas feeling like a child who finally got the puppy she always wanted and adored only to have to take it to the dog pound right away because she was allergic to it. Which is, of course, exactly the kind of pain you were hoping to dig up and rub my nose in, except that you couldn’t dig it up, it was here all along anyway.

I have honestly always felt, Trisha, that you fulfill every criteria for pathological narcissism, accompanied by some kind of histrionic aspect, I have never seen one single thing to contradict it.

GD

#110

mamolie, bixiejo can’t do no good with knowledge when others prohibit that from being expressed by diverging conversation to sarcastic rhetoric. You did not disagree with anything, you rather saw that Susiejo and Blixten both were posting and as the others, got stimulated to post yourself and dump your anger/hurt/frustration on us.

Your freaking answer from Sam does not work and you know it. So stop attacking those who simply are human like you, but honest enough and smart enough to know that SV does equal NPD.

That is the only true issue from Blitxen and myself that upsets you.

#111

so this will likely be as difficult a holiday for you as it will be for most of us.

Nothing like the most sentimental of days to remind us what we loved and lost.

I think I’ll miss my father the most, Christmas was always the most important day of the year for him. He was an atheist, but he felt something deep and meaningful in the hush of reverence for the possibility a pure innocent had all the capability and potential to bring something valuable to humanity.

I think I got that from my dad.

Hope.

Faith.

Reverence for innocence…

I’m not happy or looking forward to my own sentiments being tweaked to life again, but what else is there to feel when one is human and experiences elation…and loss?

Its the common humanity between all of us.

So, I’m hopefully getting enough of my fill of affection and laughter and attachment with my widowed mother, my son and my widowered brother and his son on Christmas Eve. We’ll be a small family of people who have all lost our nearest and dearest (well except my son who has a plethora of family, and homes to celebrate in).

It will be poignant and as wonderful as we can make it.

Have you made plans for your own holiday Gaye?

#112

Susiejo,

I dont subscribe wholly to the notion that biology is destiny. I’ma big proponent of free will…and…well, nurture, not just nature.

So in my little slice of the universe, the chaos that comes in midlife that is accompanied by “is this all there is” is mostc ertainly affected by biology, especially hormone levels. But thats only a small part of the much larger, and complex picture that a single individual is.

Trisha, I posted days back that freewill is now acknowledged/debated by philosophers that the brain has to be functioning normally. Freewill does not exist if that brain is not functionally normally. In the case of NPD, it would not be - it would be abnormally functioning.

Anybody can believe whatever the fuck they want. But truth is a whole other issue - I am a Christian of Catholic origin - truth is God and any opinion, must be congruent. The scientists seek truth - the psychologists do not.

#113

Yah, we’re doing okay. I was upfront with all my issues before it all began, and she doesn’t take it personally. Once I stopped trying to leave her for “her own good” and left that decision up to her things settled down.

I still deny being normal, though. In my 34 years I’ve only clicked with two people… I’ve never had friends or realted to family beyond the pot smoking buddies I spent most of my life with. Now that I’ve given up the drugs I gave up those friends with it… turns out that when I gave up all my healthy relationships I had none left. That makes a hermit which I think is abnormal…

Though, you can argue that schizoid is a lifestyle and not really a disorder at all… there really isn’t anything wrong with not wanting people in your life… though some people occassionally take offense to it.

#114

Prima,

Blast me all you want to tonight, I am up for the fight because I am grieving my mother’s death this past week (second for me in the past few months and I await the third to hit) which is why I kept asking you to stop it last night. Today - I say okay. I will match you and dump my grief on you if you so chose to play me.

Now, everyone should have basic courses in biology. Some stress their way through one course in high school, and some stress their way through one in college. Anyone today who wants a degree in psychology has to stress their way through neurobiology courses - the scientists are explaining it and taking control - like or not, agree or not, it is reality.

Cultures removed from our definition of civilization have wisdom on these things that our culture destroyed by becoming stupider, not smarter. Something happened, Freud was a piece of the zigsaw puzzle that removed our knowledge of self and our biologic functioning. I think he be as the Bible says, an atheist, a portrayer of lies and falsehoods. Thank God he has been written as dead in the intellectual schools.

Midlife crisis is a time of physiologic changes in the body. And change is chaos (very heavy concept to physicists) It is easier for some than others to go through the biological changes. The female actually ceases to be female as she is no longer reproductive. And she does not become male either. She is non either. The male as well is going through changes but for some (maybe many) he has a resurgence of biological imperative to reproduce.

This is called normal.

#115

Have you made plans for your own holiday Gaye?

HELL YES!!

I just sent a remarkable new friend details of a rare and revived whiskey we can get slaughtered on together…and my oldest friend (from schooldays) will be on the phone for a good long gossie…

Life goes on…

For without pain there is no pleasure, without the sour there is no sweet.

And besides…we will ALL be having a better Christmas than my best gay friend Barry (The Dawntreader) Tumbleton, on account of how they buried him, aged 29, in February 2007.

Trisha, I think this is where you and me strut on into the last scene from “Chicago”?

Don’t you?

GD

#116

sorry…I never saw Chicago. You’ll have to fill me in.

#117

Well…

In the last scene…just before the finale…Catherine Zeta Jones come looking for Rene Zellwiger to explain that times are hard…no one is hiring a solo act…but two, all singing, all dancin’ lady murderers should be a sellout…

and Rene Zellwiger (Roxie) points out that they hate each other’s guts…

and, showing her laddered silk stockings for emphasis Catherine Zeta Jones (Velma) points out that there is one business where that doesn’t matter a damn…and the scene shifts to…

Velma:
Thank you. Roxie and I would just like to thank you - for
you faith and your belief in our innocence.

Roxie:
Yes, it was letters, telegrams, and words of encouragement
that helped see us through this terrible ordeal of ours.

Velma:
You know, a lot of people has lost faith in America.

Roxie:
And for what America stands for.

Velma:
But we are the living examples of what a wonderful country this is.

Roxie:
So we’d just like to say thank you and God Bless you.

Velma and Roxie:
God bless you.
Thank you and God bless you… Chorus:
God be with you. No,
God walk with you always. I’m no one’s wife
God bless you. But, oh,
God bless you. I love my life…

Velma, Roxie et al.:
And all that jazz

Company:
THAT JAZZ!

#118

PD,

I can only describe what intimacy is like for me, not for schizoids in general. I’ve been watching some discussions between schizoids elsewhere and I think all their experiences with intimacy are quite unique. They all have different opinions about why they are the way they are, and how they react with the world.

Its also hard for to talk about intimacy, because I spend a good 5 years with a very disordered individual. Its hard to discern whats a part of being schizoid, and which parts are a result of spending five years in a very unhealthy relationship. I have issues now I didn’t have before, and I have issues I had previously which don’t turn up anymore. Its really confusing for me.

I do have serious problems with intimacy, though I’ve been oblivious to it. Having problems with intimacy wasn’t an issue with my last girlfriend. Its easy to ignore your own problems when your partners outweigh your own.
You could even say those five years were the first time in my life I got to be normal. The relationship I had before that was very difficult though, and not because of my partners reactions.

I often felt that the relationship was slipping away and I was losing her and made me want to save it… though… when things got serious I’d often flip out. I’d feel guilty and unworthy of her companionship. I think there was a lot of pushing and pulling that drove both of us quite batty.

I can be intimate, and I can love and care about people… its just usually some miraculous circumstance has to occur to get me to bypass all my internals that usually prevent me from forming those kinds of bonds.

#119

Susiejo,

I dont subscribe wholly to the notion that biology is destiny. I’ma big proponent of free will…and…well, nurture, not just nature.

So in my little slice of the universe, the chaos that comes in midlife that is accompanied by “is this all there is” is mostc ertainly affected by biology, especially hormone levels. But thats only a small part of the much larger, and complex picture that a single individual is.

#120

then we can agree to disagree

I suppose you wont be quoting Ellis anymore then…good.

#121

Wastedyouth,

You are so totally normal. You need just to purse finding that right female to mate with. You will be fine thereafter other than life experiences which you have already experienced some of. You will make the right female a very good spouse and partner. Put your energies in finding the right person to mate with and you will be just fine. She is out there just like you waiting for her match.

#122

Nothing wrong with Ellis, dang site better than Bradshaw…silly man…