Hmm…then I can see there is a gap here. I think it was yesterday you said you couldnt speak about attachment or intimacy for Aspie’s in general, only for yoruself. I can tell you from working with a few Aspie teens now, that in fact they do want friends, although probably in a different way than normal people do. It may just be because of this adolescent phase in their life that a peer group is important to them. I see this one particular one work very hard at entertaining them, engaging them with his creative playful ideas and how happy and excited he is when he actually accomplishes that.
He doesnt want to befriend the nefarious either. But when he is frustrated he does start mumbling how awful they all are, and how much he hates them…to which they dont react too kindly, as you can well imagine, theyre just being normal kids…well as normal as our kids can be anyway. And he has been putting an awful lot of effort in trying to get a girlfriend, which as I’m sure you can also imagine is particularly hard slogging for him since he doesnt read the girls cues, he doesnt have empathy or consideration for their feelings and they end up getting creeped out by him. Its painful to watch.
And he abandons reality most of the time, prefering to speak in the voice of a cartoon character most of the time, and donning a cape and sword as he runs loops around the school hallways when he is having his meltdowns, claiming he is a fictional person in a fictional place. Its is precisely the demands and overwhelming stimulation of reality that he has incredible difficulty tolerating…despite wanting too very badly.
I have seen him be gullible and fall for BS from other students who are nefarious, and I often wonder if he feels betrayed by them when he gets in trouble for the things they goad him into doing.
I wish very much for him to make more solid relationships with kids who wont do that to him, and perhaps could act as a shield so that wont happen again.
He is incredibly resistant to help and guidance from his mother, his educational assistant, the administrator, his teachers, the Autism Society people who are advocating for him, any authority figure no matter how good intentions or knowledgeable they are about his particular problems, although that might be solely adolescent rebellion playing out in very difficult ways for him.
non verbal cues require the skill of projection. I say skill becaue unlike people who use projection neurotically ( and misread other people’s motives and intentions because they are suspicious and resentful of others, gathering evidence against everyone in order to protect themselves) normal people learn how to project accurately, to understand the cues and have a sense of what others are feeling and experiencing. We dont feel the other persons sadness but we can use projection by recognizing the cues and remembering what sadness felt like. Aspie’s dont do that.
Which makes how projection (the neurotic, misreading, paranoid, evidence-gathering sort) that is displayed on this board unusual in terms of Aspie’s, unless, I’m pondering, theyve been feeling so thwarted and frustrated they utilize it as a defense mechanism and blame their social difficulties on others, rather than admitting its a shortcoming due to their autism.
As was said in this presentation, analyzing the cues is not a very effective way of getting along with others, but its all theyve got at their disposal, IF they have someone patient and knowledgeable enough to teach them that.
We dont have someone on staff who has that as their task with this kid, and sometimes I wonder if at age 15 it might be too late.
I dont know…I’m not a specialist, but I, and a number of my colleagues felt quite hopeless after that workshop.
