We are here to support each other, we all have a story btdt100 lighten up .We all have feelings stop personally attacking .
angizee dont you dare go back to lurking HUGS I value your contributions . We are all here cos weve been hurt…I dont even know if my guy has a NPD but lots fits to him and I find support here from people who have had similar experiences.
It doesnt matter whos story is worst or how long we knew our N… we all wish for support and peace of mind. Its not a competition and its very unfair to belittle anyones problem. And while its ok to not like or agree with someones way of dealing with a situation its still their way.
I also find humor a great help if I can ever find it in a situation…sometimes its almost impossible but laughter is the best medicin they say…it doesnt belittle anything however its a way of coping.
I dont want anyone to feel they should leave or hide. I for one like to read the differing views I find it most helpful cos its easy to become very blinkered.
wow much reading material posted by sam…cheers
HUGS to everyone
lonelyplace, thanks for your post…I do some lurking here at times. I get
to watch a family member who is with a woman NPD. I have to go to therapy in
order to deal with it. He is being led around by her and his life is going
to hell. Seriously, physically, mentally, his property, his own children by
a former marriage. He does not know what he is dealing with…I know I
cannot help him, but I have to take care of myself cuz this is very hard to
watch an NPD “take down” someone you love . HUGS to you and everyone too.
----- Original Message -----
From: “lonelyplace” npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com
To: cynthiap@shaw.ca
Sent: Thursday, September 06, 2007 5:55 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?
Well, I have been off the forum for many weeks now and see we have new faces. 
Seems there are some quite colorful personalities too. lol!
I love how engaging everyone is being. Just for kicks, I’ll add what I think since I have had some time of clarity away from my ex-N.
My ex is a Narcissist. He has some paranoia characteristics as well. I am 29 years old, met him when I was 20 and vulnerable. I was going through a very messy custody battle over my only daughter at the time. I wasn’t being allowed to even see her, at no fault of my own, other then poor legal representation.
I believe my vulnerability struck a familiar “chord” with him. I believe he has a heart, but is so broken on the inside that his pride is his only perceived “hope” of maintaining mental stability. I believe “narcissists” are vulnerable and were ultimately abused in some way, perhaps from childhood. The only coping mechanism they have had access to is “pride”.
The root of pride is insecurity. These people are so consumed with pride that they have deceived themselves into a “world” of their own.
The problem is we want to help that little boy on the inside gain healing and find his place in the world…we see the potential, but quickly get loomed into the fiasco…the dramatic world starring them as the main character, center stage…and we end up getting hurt.
The insecurity is so deep, these people use other people to satisfy or try to fill their voids. The bottom line is that the void they feel is one that only God himself can fill. Not even the most giving, loving and supportive spouse or family or friends can prove to them that they are worth loving.
Until they find out in life, on their own, by a loving God…that they are hiding behind a masque of pride and deceiving themselves with grandiose idealogy that they are supreme in all they think or do… Until they become completely broken, “ruined” if you will, they will live life fooling themselves and never be open enough to give or truly receive love.
The problem lies in this, many of us can see this and understand it as truth. We can spend every waking moment explaining our lives away, trying to show them they are worth love. Then…we, ourselves get sucked into the role that God should be playing in their lives…their provider, their healer, their redeemer, their sustainer, etc…
I am choosing, to back away, to allow God to be God in this person’s life. No matter how many cliche’s someone memorizes…or how many religious sayings they can quote…what I am referring to is an authentic, genuine, up close and personal experience with the God of heaven and earth. I would love to see this person make it…but I seem to just pose as a stumbling block, and in the meantime suffer and incur more abuse than what is humanly possible to bear.
I am letting go. My domestic violence counselor told me to make a list of things I was hoping to have with my husband, ex: raise our children together, build a life together, have support, love, etc…
then…write…
“and”…not “but”…AND he’s not the one who can give it to me.
She said that by saying this, it validates the feelings and hopes I have had. they are genuine, heartfelt hopes…we want to be loved, we want to love…
those feelings should not be critisized or undermined. They are valid.
We only need to come to the realization that this person is enept in his ability to provide this. Hurting people hurt people. Every single person on the face of the planet needs healing in some way, period. But, at the point that is costs you your health, mind, or you or your loved ones welfare…the ties must be severed. I pray God lead you and I all into that place of peace where we lean on him for every void to be filled, every injury to be healed, every need to be satsified…and that our abusers will find that same place, on their own.
I’m here for you. Better yet, God listens when you cry out to him. (Even if it feels a little wierd at first, lol! Talking to someone you can’t see. Ask him to make himself real to you. Be honest with God, “I believe, but help my unbelief”. We are made in his likeness, if it’s refreshing when someone drops the pose and is genuine with you, don’t you find it refreshing, likewise?)
Angiezee,
We need your humour.You have brought an invaluable presence to this forum.
Yes Angie! Don’t go we need you! We all need each other right now. Let’s all agree to disagree sometimes everyone’s opinion is valued.
I’m baaaaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkkkk!!!
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I will continue on and I am so thankful that, perhaps, I have helped a little - you guys have all helped me so much. I think I just have too much hitting me right now - trouble in our office, found a lump in my breast and daughter having residual back problems from her hit-and-run accident 2 weeks ago - the N issue is almost an aside. I apologize for having been touchy and let’s go kill it girls!!! Let’s get strong and forge on with our awesome selves!!!
There is something ODD here,i can`t put my finger on it yet,but i think that pretty soon the rest of the forum will see what is unfolding.Btdt,your identity is questionable.
"Sam:
Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone
suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following
lengthy tests and personal interviews. Current scholarly thinking is that
NPD is not a brain disorder in the strict neurological sense - although of
course the brain is involved because it is involved in all human processes.
Neurologists do not treat NPD and will refer you to a psychiatrist who will
then refer you to a clinical psychologist or therapist. Better go directly
to a clinical psychologist or therapist."
Mr. Varkin, I find much of what you write extremely interesting. That is not because it is profound but rather the intellectual processes you have at play. Now, as far as a “qualified mental health diagnostician” using “lengthy tests and personal interviews”, spare me my dime, spare all of us our dimes. Personal interviews speak for themselves - subjective conjectures. Did any of them ever help you? What qualifications does a person with such credentials have to determine that any person sitting before them does not have a brain disorder or any other medical problem that is causing their distress? Answer is actually ZERO.
“Current scholarly thinking” !!! You certainly are not talking the neuroscientists, the molecular biologists who just delivered us what has been designated as the “Decade of the Brain”. Which for those who missed it, was the 1990’s when more was learned about neurology and the brain in one decade that all those preceding it. For those who missed it, Freud was pronounced “DEAD”. It is not MOTHER"S FAULT!!! Now Sam, I am not going to pull up things you write because they are so scattered, ill logical, ill informed, and actually, ramblings. But I could.
This is the 21st century. There is a brain. There is a nervous system. There are neurotransmitters. There are hormones. There are metabolic processes occurring constantly. And there is cognitive learning. They are all part of our biological system. Throw one part of that system into dysfunction - it will affect all the others. ALL are at play affecting our behavior. Got a problem? Any area could be at play. Who has ever had the flu? Where you emotionally supportive of others at that time? Where you feeling happiness? Heavens no.
Take depression - it could be a sign of nutritional deficiencies. It could be a sign of diabetes, it could be a sign of thyroid problems, it could be a sign of cancer and impending death, there are a host of medical problems that go with it.
Biochemical imbalances was a scam promoted by drug companies to sell seratonin uptake inhibitors. They have yet to even identify all the neurotransmitters in the body. There is NO test to represent biochemical balance. What are you talking about Sam? Do you even have a clue?
And it is just like your book and your hauntings of these boards promoting concepts of false self versus real self, psychopathology, blah blah blah. I can appreciate a person needing to make a living in our society. But you are exploiting people Sam. You have NO answers to what is going on within yourself. Stop acting as though you do.
The problems with NPD go with frontal lobe of the brain. Quote what the current SCHOLARS are saying NOW!!
Btdt100,
You are entertaining me.Each time you respond and attack someone you make me laugh,yet you say that Npd is nothing funny.Although there may be an element of truth in some of what you are saying,your approach makes it hard for us to take you seriously.We are here for support,edification,understanding and please do not forget HEALING. Show some LOVE.In spite of it,we love and support you.
healed, Please explain to me that what you are here for as being anything different than “narcissistic supply”?
“We are here for support,edification,understanding and please do not forget HEALING. Show some LOVE.In spite of it,we love and support you.”
“support” means I am okay, you are not?
“edification” means you have been had by a psychopath who only sought narcissitc supply?
“Understanding” means I have lots of other guys off the internet who are interested in me?
“HEALING” means what?? This is where the money is - I hurt and I want to feel no pain, I want to feel good. My NPD told me I was worthless, so I am here on the internet for others to tell me I worth something.
Laughter is a defense - a way to avoid FEELING what one feels.
I am gone. Hedonistic life is a life not worth anything. Ask the Narcissist how happy they are.
btdt100,I,m asking a narcisisst----How happy are you?
btdt100,I,m asking a narcissist----How happy are you?
Hi, btdt,
I am afraid I have no idea what you are talking about. I have spent the last
11 years reading everything that has ever been written about NPD. I haven’t
seen a single article or paper connecting it to a brain dysfunction (the
correct term for what what you persistently call “brain disorder”).
I am always open to learn, so if you can point me to literature published in
peer-reviewed journals that links NPD to the brain, I would be in your debt.
Thank you in advance for your help.
In the meantime, I advise you to read these articles:
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders39.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq70.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders3.html
I wish you complete healing.
Sam
PS:
It seems that you are not aware of the following:
-
Freud was a prominent neurologist
-
Freud is not considered state of the art in psychology. My work is based
on the Object Relations school which has very little to do with Freud and
started 70 years after he was born. -
Psychiatrists are medical doctors. Many of them are actually
neurologists.
----- Original Message -----
From: “btdt100” npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2007 2:24 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?
I truly believe all beings are narcissists at some level or we at least exhibit traits on occassion. That does not mean we have NPD. My hands cramp after writing too long and thats a sign of arthritis and yet I don’t have arthritis. NPD is serious and I agree with a little bit of what every one here has said.
I hear they are now linking NPD to lacking empathy. Which to me seems logical. We just don’t know enough about it right now to do any one a whole lot of good. We just have speculation and groups of people who have been victimized by these types of people trying to make sense of it all.
I too read on this issue, everything I can get my hands on. I have friends in the Psychology industry and I had my own for a while. Even they can’t agree on the cause. For now we just have to keep speculating and keep being strong, for our families, for each other and for ourselves. For those of you married to these types I wish I could offer help of some kind. For those dating them, as I so frequently did my advice is to learn to recognize them, identify them and move past them if possible.
I am addicted to those personality types for reasons stemming back to child hood so I don’t date any more. As it seems No matter how different a man seems from the last one they always end up the same. I Don’t blame them for being who they are I blame myself for my choices and then I take responsibility for my choices. Healing is possible, Total healing on the other hand I have no idea.
Interesting…Perhaps you have NEVER REALLY come across someone
with NPD…Then you
would know the difference. My husband DOES NOT HAVE NPD, but my
brother and father do…
On Sep 7, 2007, at 11:54 AM, femat40 wrote:
Hi Bup,
I’m not sure if that response was geared towards me. But let me assure you I do know the difference between NPD and just displaying signs of narcissism. My father had it, many of my boyfriends did as well, funny not my ex husband, my little brother doesn’t either but can show signs of it.
My point was to the feuding that we can’t say definitively what causes NPD We can only speculate in the meantime instead of arguing we should all just be supportive.
Having decided to divorce my NPD husband of 4 years I’d like to unsubscribe - I’d rather try and put all this behind me.
Thank you
Jackie> To: jackiesin@hotmail.com> From: npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com> Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?> Date: Fri, 7 Sep 2007 05:43:51 -0400> >
Yes, I am new to this… I am deeply saddened that my brother
and father have this disorder. It has caused
me and my family great pain. I am facing the reality for the first
time in my life, and I have had a very depressing
summer. My dad it not well, and my brother isn’t far behind. They
have tried to make me believe that I am crazy and a scapegoat, but
this time it didn’t work. My fear is more that they know that I am
in on their disorder and they
are so angry that I am not buying their twisted ways…More
later…
On Sep 7, 2007, at 12:09 PM, femat40 wrote: