Jackie, the hard part will happen after the divorce.
If he is truly NPD then he will pull out all the stops to try and make life hell for you.
Think twice about turning away this group’s help and support.
Rene
----- Original Message ----
From: jackie56 npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com
To: descartes326@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, September 7, 2007 12:28:02 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?
I will be offline for a few days. How can I stop these posts from coming
into my inbox???
Thank you if you can help. I did go to my account preferences and unchecked
everything but does not seem to helop.
----- Original Message -----
From: “mercenary” npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com
To: cynthiap@shaw.ca
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2007 11:20 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?
Thank-you for writing such a wonderful message.You really touched me.May the Lord heal your wounded heart and richly bless you
Neednewstart,
That was powerful!!!Our Creator is the only one who can get us through this.We have to truly believe.Truly surrender.Gaining knowlege about this disorder is crucial,reading the suggested books is important,seeking wise council is helpful and having a forum like this is invaluable,but submitting to GOD is the ultimate balm.
Neednewstart,you could not have said this any better.God has already used you in such an awesome way.
Peace and Joy,
Healed1
My interest is in talking to Sam who I think has honest sincere interest in what in the world is going on with NPD. But before I address him, to all of you who are trying to quote God, you need to go read his book and apply the principals to yourself! No where in the Bible is NPD defined, nor targeted as an object to hate and despise.That book is about the pursuit of truth - GOD!! Nothing in his books state that any of our lives is of more value than a NPD’s, or anyone else’s. rather the whole point in there is that each and everyone has value. Christ did not qualify some of us of being of value and not others.
This is just BS. If it makes you feel better, than get your butt up and go to church on Sunday and LISTEN.
Narcissism and Religion
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal45.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq47.html
Take care.
Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: “neednewstart” npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2007 12:43 AM
Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?
Hi,
Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone
suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following
lengthy tests and personal interviews.
These may be of help - click on the links:
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/1.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/npdglance.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq82.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faqpd.html
Healing Narcissism
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq63.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq77.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq70.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq12.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/10.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/case03.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq31.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html
Take care there!
Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: “femat40” npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2007 6:09 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?
Ya girl I agree. I first noticed this when btdy100 would write to me personally and then on the forum try to slam me.After that when I try to address her she doesnt respond just on to someone else to attack! I.m not into playing games.I'm gone for the day,check in later.Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.
Sam, sadly because of the naure of this illness, many qualified health diagnosticians, never get to see the ugly side of the disordered person. You are right when you say the personality is adaptive to survive so they don't think anything is wrong with them. I have given off many clues to every one I went to, but not one ever said a word about this disorder. I think the partners who have endured this disorder, know more than the qualified health diagnostician at this point in time.
Where does the %1 of the population affected come from, when it seems to be their partners looking for help, not them? We know something is wrong, we aren't professionals. We are looking to them for help and most are not even aware of this disorder. There needs to be more research, more public awarness, more help for for them and the victims of this disorder.
Sam, we the victims, are capable of love and we have emapthy, we knew something was wrong, we just did not know about this disorder, we would have all made better choices had we known. You are the expert, is there hope, is there help for those who have this disorder? Are there any treatment plans that work? I know we wasted a lot of time and money on the so called professionals. My education was on the job training, I am qualified to say my H has this disorder. mamolie
You are absolutely right about the ignorance of “professionals”.
These may be of help - click on the links:
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html
Healing Narcissism
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq63.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq77.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq70.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq12.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/10.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/case03.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq31.html
http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html
Take care there!
Sam
----- Original Message -----
From: “mamolie” npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2007 5:31 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?
I agree as well.
btdt100, while you are hurting, I am not quite sure why you would want to attack people on this forum. I might be wrong here, but isn’t it true that behavior (or lack of using a certain part of the brain) can cause your brain “canals” to “groove” differently? I thought I read that somewhere - anyone? So while I don’t think N is at all a physical issue, it could be a N brain is just plain shaped differently that a “normal” person.
btdt, please stop attacking.
I can say, with 100% accuracy, that my N was formed by his Mother, who is a text-book N. She has shown me her N. colors in all their flaming glory these past 9 months with everytime of N trait there is. (I have been married for almost 6 yrs.to her son) She began showing true N self when her son, my N, began cutting off the N supply after an incident on her birthday last April. After I had to once again tell her to butt out of our business, verbally and by email last Nov, she began lying about me ( and huge whoppers they were!) and pretty much telling him unless he did what she wanted (which included divorcing me or her completely cutting me and my 2 kids from a prev. marriage off as if we were invisible) they were through, so my N cut her and his brother off. He has not talked to his Mother or answered her emails, and told them he was cutting off any communication to concentrate on us, his core family this past February after they kept sending emails that kept blaming me for his descion to not talk to her and not allow her to see her granddaughter(our child) who is 4. He told them if you can’t respect my wife then you can’t talk to me.
My N has been fully aware that he is a N for 2 1/2 years now, as he was diagnost (sp?) as cerebral N. I will say that he has really been trying to change, but there is so much damage you know? He controls one part of the N behavior, then another, but there is so much… And strangely (or not, I’m not sure…) since his mother has not been in our lives at all since Nov. it’s like a heavy blanket of despair has lifted from our house. She really contributed to his N behavior with her disapproval of me and my two kids-she would disapprove of an action or behavior, tell him he would come home in a rage spouting off the stranges things, then he would tell her about my reaction to his rage and more disapproval (you get the picture)
He did not think he could have kids, and we got pregnant 2 weeks after we were married. ( I also have two kids from a previous marriage) He is evolving with his daughter as well. He is trying to have a healthy love with her, which is great…he just needs to keep trying to do the same for the rest of us 
As of now, he has pretty much decided that he does not want his Mother around us ever again. He said he is afraid of her spoiling his daughter like she spoiled him (she was starting to disapprove of our daughter as well) and he has been happier without her influence here.
He has sent emails to his brother and her about how they are wrong about me, he took responsibility for his actions, and took up for me, but they are convinced I am the one who is causing him to not speak with them anymore.
It is still very hard to live with an N even if they know they are N and are truly trying to change. I still feel like I can’t trust and while I have NEVER believed his negativity and attacks, and pretty much have always called him on each and every lie or false thing he said-whether about me or otherwise-and “act” as if I am not effected by his Jeckyll and Hyde (sorry can’t spell lol)
behavior-it is difficult.
I am a reformed verbal abuser myself. God showed me who I was and I changed-it was hard (still is, I feel like a recovering addict lol). When I decided to stop reacting to every slight with a nuclear device, I truly felt as if my head would explode, but God pulled me thru it and healed me. I was not a N. (thank God) but a verbal abuser (never to my kids tho…thank God) That was 11 years ago. I guess I just wanted (and still want) to give him the chance and insight I never was given.
Anywho, sorry so long, not sure how much longer I can keep truckin’ on the N train. And yes, we are going a counselor…
The Narcissist’s Ideas of Reference
http://samvak.tripod.com/ideasreference.html
Psychological Signs and Symptoms
http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders42.html
----- Original Message -----
From: “neednewstart” npd-cpt5805@lists.careplace.com
To: palma@unet.com.mk
Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2007 7:28 PM
Subject: Re: [npd] Wher are we now?Is total healing possible?
btdt100?? (Not sure the exact name),
I’m not sure where the text was misinterpretted, but, you seem pretty angry with the world, perhaps rightly so in some regards.
Nothing in what I wrote says that I, nor, anyone else is greater than the other, it says that people with this condition seem to view themselves as unloving. I disagree. A person with this conditon has barriers up, scared of intimacy… who doesn’t in one way or another?
There is a way to get through this without slandering the other person. A person with this condition considers every comment as being particularly pointed towards them in accusation. Most of the time, that isn’t even the case at all.
I’m not out to get you or undermine your stance, I’m also not here to impose my thoughts on others. It is a forum, just sharing, that’s all. Lots of people hide behind their religion and just quote things because they were programmed to do so…if one accepts the challenge to look a little deeper and not just disregard it, they might find that there was truth in what was written…not cliche.
Albert Einstien’s definition of insanity was to continue doing the same thing expecting different results…just something to chew on.
Does any of this give anyone else a headache?
lol!
"Albert Einstien’s definition of insanity was to continue doing the same thing expecting different results…just something to chew on. "
I could not have said it better myself. Apply that to the repeated attempts to psychoanalyze NPDs and find answers to these problems in the pyschology books.
Problems feeling empathy - long known to be associated with damage to frontal lobes of brain
Impulse control - controlled by frontal lobe
pathological lying - frontal lobe abnormalities, mri scans
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn8075.html
behavior and personality disorders have been associated with frontal lobe lesions for over half century
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rls=DELA%2CDELA%3A2006-02%2CDELA%3Aen&q=frontal+lobe+personality
frontal lobe dementias (type of alzheimers) -
Express themselves in personality disorders (loss of empathy - caring about family, etc) and/or speech and memory problems - depends on which parts of frontal lobe are involved
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rls=DELA%2CDELA%3A2006-02%2CDELA%3Aen&q=frontal+lobe+dementias
(Notice on above link there are also some articles on paranoia - as in irrational jealousies?
The answers are in neurology - not psychology.
How many narcissists abuse alcohol?
http://www.alcohol-drug.com/neuropsych.htm
Functional Structure and Consequences of Intoxication
Structural damage to the brain resulting from chronic alcohol abuse can be observed in different ways:
Results of autopsy show that patients with a history of chronic alcohol abuse have smaller, less massive, and more shrunken brains than nonalcoholic adults of the same age and gender.1
The findings of brain imaging techniques, such as CT scans consistently show an association between heavy drinking and physical brain damage, even in the absence of chronic liver disease or dementia.
Brain shrinking is especially extensive in the cortex of the frontal lobe2 - the location of higher cognitive faculties.
The vulnerability to this frontal lobe shrinkage increases with age.3 After 40 some of the changes my be irreversible [see below].
Repeated imaging of a group of alcoholics who continued drinking over a 5-year period showed progressive brain shrinkage that significantly exceeded normal age-related shrinkage. Moreover, the rate of shrinkage correlated with the amount of alcohol consumed.
The relationship between alcohol consumption and deterioration in brain structure and function is not simple. Measures such as average quantity consumed, or even total quantity consumed over a year, do not predict the ultimate extent of brain damage. The best predictor of alcohol related impairment is: maximum quantity consumed at one time, along with the frequency of drinking that quantity.
In addition to the toxic effects of frequent high levels of alcohol intake, alcohol related diseases and head injuries (due to falls, fights, motor vehicle accidents, etc.) also contribute. Although changes in brain structure may be gradual, performance deficits appear abruptly. The individual often appears more capable than is actually the case, because existing verbal abilities are among the few faculties that are relatively unimpaired by chronic alcohol abuse. The pathogenic effects of alcohol abuse on Brain are well established, and worthy of your attention. If you or a loved one abuse alcohol, fear is the appropriate emotion. Be afraid, be very afraid!
I’m confused - why the battling as to the reason/origin/cause of Narcissism?
maryb2100!!! I am here (last seen on page 5) and trying to “fly under the radar” for now. This thread is so bizarre, I’m “afraid” to post. 
I am getting stronger every day - as I believe we all are. It’s been 9 days NC - the longest yet! Of course, that’s only because he’s still on the west coast and I’m sure the haunting will begin when he gets back. The good news is that I am strong enough now to not need to respond - for any reason. I have moved on and past. Now, I understand that I will be tried and will probably have some lows, but overall - I’m much better. Thank you for asking. You are sounding very resiliant and tough yourself and I thank you for all your words of encouragement. This thread has my head spinning …I hate rollercoasters for this very reason… help, somebody make it stop!
I think this has been a time for you to heal and see .Youve been able to stand back and let God speak to you.I’m with you on this crazyness here,I almost quit myself but when the crazy happens again lets ignore it and stay on with our conversation.You sound great.Stay standing.I’m also doing well!